Page 58 of Burning Obsession

I squeeze my eyes shut. Please, I beg anyone who can hear me. Just let me have one more chance.

I don't know if he will. But I know for a fact if he does give me a second chance that I’ll never lie to him again.

Chapter 18

Jake

Four days.

Four days of feeling like I’ve had my heart ripped to shreds.

That’s how long it’s been since I found out the truth. How long it’s been since my entire world was thrown into shambles. When Victor’s dirty little secret was spilled for me to see.

He tried calling that day, but I rejected them all. Deleted all his voicemails without even listening to them. Did the same to his text messages before finally blocking him. I half expected him to show up at my door, letting himself in and pleading for me to understand.

But he didn’t. And I wouldn’t understand. How could he lie to me? Especially knowing how I felt about it. If he truly cared for me, he would’ve been honest from the get go. When he sat down at that table, he would’ve told me who he really was. But he didn’t.

I knew if I didn't block him, that I would crumble. That I would eventually listen to his voicemails and read his messages even if I didn’t talk to him. I know myself and how I feel, or rather felt. No, that’s not true. Fuck, I’m so messed up I can’t even figure out what my feelings are for him anymore.

If I didn’t block him, then I was leaving a crack for my heart to weasel in and overthrow my brain and forgive Victor without him deserving it.

God, I’m so fucking angry at him. But most of all, I’m hurt that he lied to me. If we hadn’t run into Fifi on the sidewalk, I probably never would’ve known the truth.

And that’s what’s killing me the most. Tomorrow I would be getting on a plane to go and meet his family and potentially be there when his sister gave birth. I wonder if they know. Would they be laughing at me behind my back?

I have the ticket. The very nonrefundable ticket. I tried, and found out that your boyfriend breaking your heart doesn’t get you reimbursed for what you spent.

I should be packing and checking my flight time and figuring out what I’m going to wear when I see him. All those silly things you do when you’re meeting the man you love. All the obsessing if you look okay and if he’s going to be excited to see you. That’s what should be occupying my thoughts right now. Not that he broke my heart.

Because apparently even my plane ticket has decided to fuck me over. Just like Victor did. Except his pain hurts far worse.

“What the fuck am I going to do?” I say, letting my head fall back on the couch. I lift my hand and rub at my temples, the throbbing getting stronger. I need to get up and take something before this becomes a full blown migraine.

My phone chooses that moment to ring, causing my head to pound harder. I pick it up, dread entering my stomach even though I know it’s not Victor. He’s blocked. I wonder if he’s even realized. If it’s causing him pain to truly know I don’t want to hear from him. Saying it and actually showing it are two very different things.

I glance down at the screen.

Stellan.

I groan, thinking about ignoring the call for a second before hitting the button and answering, placing the phone to my ear.

“What?” My voice comes out more abrasive than I intend. He hasn’t done anything wrong, but I’ve caught myself deflecting my anger and annoyance onto others.

“I’m going to let it slide, you talking to me like that.” I can hear a twinge of playfulness in his voice, but something tells me he means it too.

“I’m sorry. Just got a headache and, well you know, just trying to deal with the aftermath of the betrayal of the man I love.”

I know I sound dramatic, but I don’t fucking care. I’ve always known I’m a little over the top with my feelings and with the way I think sometimes.

“Whatever, drama queen. I was just calling to see if you decided what you're doing about tomorrow.”

“I didn’t think anything needed to be decided. I’m not going.”

He just laughs. “Really, Jake, are you pouting? Does the baby need a bottle?”

“Fuck you, asshole.”

“Nah, not my type. So you’re really not going?”