Page 139 of Last Man Standing

Adelita is approaching the rec room.

Sebastion is not on the premises.

“Hi, Scarlett!” Koda bounces out of the building plump with video games, televisions, canned soda, and bean bags. Steamrolling through the icy breeze like the cold doesn’t bother him, he comes to a stop on my left, spins, and walks alongside me.

Koda has met Adelita by the pool.

Frustrated, I silence the radio and clip it to my back pocket. But then I look down at the boy and smile a genuine smile, because he’s just five, and so freakin’ pure, I couldn’t greet him with anything other than happiness even if his mother ran me down with her truck. “Hi. Aren’t you freezing?” It’s too cold to stop and chat, so I wrap my arm over his shoulders and keep moving. “December’s really kicking our butts today, don’t you think?”

“Eh.” He makes a face that matches Sebastion’s exactly. And Paul’s. Even Maverick’s. “I’m used to it. Did you know a long, long time ago, I got in the pool even in the winter?”

“A long, long time ago?” I use only half of my brain to watch where we’re walking. The rest of my focus stays on Koda’s sweet face. “How long ago? Because you’re only five, so…”

“Five is big! And a long time ago means when I was four. The water was soooo cold.” He makes a show of shivering. “So cold!”

“I bet it was. Why’d you get in?”

“I fell in on accident.” He drops his shivering act and goes back to his normal, goofy self. “I was running, even though I’m not s’posed to. And it was like this time last year, maybe. So the ground had a bit of ice on it.”

“Oh, wow.” I glance toward the massive pool and tighten my grip on his shoulders. “I’m glad you’re okay. That would’ve been very scary, huh?”

“Not for me.” He shrugs. “I didn’t get scared at all. But my mom did.” He looks up at me with wide, beautiful eyes, trusting me to lead us even as we continue past the rec room and around the corner of the end building. “I went to sleep in the water, cause I didn’t know how to swim yet. Then Bas jumped in and grabbed me. I was blue.” He points up at his lips and cackles. “My lips were bluuuuuuuuuuue!”

No, baby. You drowned. You nearly fucking died.

But I don’t say so out loud, and I definitely don’t cry, though my heart aches deep inside my chest.

“Your Uncle Bas pulled you out?” I spy the stables in the distance and correct our course to make sure we go directly toward the front doors. “I’ve heard lots of amazing stories about him. He’s very brave, huh?”

“Uncle Bas is brave,” he agrees happily. “But it was my brother Bas who pulled me out. His lips were blue too,” he giggles. “It was so cold. Then my mom cried and my dad cried and everyone shouted at each other. Then I got to spend a coupl’a days in the medical wing and eat dessert for as many meals as I wanted cause everyone wanted to make me happy. And now…” He reaches back and taps the radio bouncing against my butt. “Everyone says where I am all day long. Just in case I hurt myself again.”

“I mean…” I rub his arm with fierce determination. To warm us now, but to warm that four-year-old from a year ago, too. To warm his big brother, who handled a dead little boy’s body, even if only for a moment. “I think keeping an eye on you is sensible. I bet when you first came out of the medical wing, you weren’t allowed to go anywhere alone at all.”

“Nope!” He pops the P in his word. “Even when I needed to tinkle, my mom stayed outside the bathroom. I’m allowed to go places now, cause five is bigger than four and I’ve been good, but the radios always know where I am now.” He grins toward the stables, then bringing his hand up, he mimics the shape of a radio and makes a scratching sound in the back of his throat. “Koda’s going to the stables.” Then another scratching sound. “Who are we visiting?” He drops his imaginary radio and peeks my way. “Did you meet Cinderella yet?”

Amused, I raise both brows and breathe a little easier as we cross the threshold and move from icy wind to the comforting warmth of a dozen half-ton horses. “Cinderella? Like, from the movies?”

“Nuh-uh.” He hurries ahead in a rush, only to swing back again and latch onto my hand. He makes me smile when nothing else in the world feels smile-worthy. He helps me forget my aching heart, even when I was certain five minutes ago it couldn’t be possible.

If Sebastion and I had children in some faraway hypothetical future, would they look like Koda? Act like him? Wield that same magic he wields?

“She’s over here.” He tries to run, though I’m too heavy for him to drag, so mostly he jogs in place and kicks hay around while I slowly trudge past Jasper’s stall and three more down.

Stopping at a gate with a step stool already placed in front, he bounds up and brightens the instant a beautiful snow-white horse greets him. “Scarlett, this is Cinderella. Isn’t she beautiful?”

“Oh my gosh. She is so beautiful.” I inch closer and hold still while she sniffs my face and makes the boy cackle. “Can you even see her if you take her outside in the winter?”

“Hardly even! She’s not as big as the others, but she’s soooo pretty, huh? And she’s all mine.”

“All yours?” I ham up my excitement and bathe in the way he wraps his arm around my hips and forces me to love him.

While the rest of the world feels uncertain, he becomes exactly who I need.

“You have a whole horse all for yourself?” I stroke Cinderella’s neck and stare into her beautiful, glass-bottle-green eyes. “I’m way older than you and I’ve never owned a horse. You’re lucky, huh?”

“So lucky! And I can even ride her whenever I want.”

“You know how? You don’t need anyone’s help?”