Page 38 of Shattered Hearts

Letting out a steady breath, I drop my keys on the bench as Sadie and I walk through the door. Freddie trots towards me, his multi-coloured tail swishing in the air like a flag. Picking him up onto my lap, I switch on the TV in an attempt to distract my mind, but it’s ultimately useless. It’s been twelve weeks since I was in Sydney. Since I fell into bed with Scott, my life has been derailing completely.

Swallowing heavily, I sniff, unfocused on the movie that’s playing. Sadie comes in, wrapped up in an oversized hoodie, black leggings, and thick white gym socks. She looks so cosy and warm, meanwhile my skin feels itchy. I’m sweating despite the cold air, and my stomach is somehow hungry and nauseous simultaneously.

I don’t understand pregnancy. How do some women enjoy this?

“Are you feeling better now?” she asks, sitting beside Freddie and I. He eyes her for a moment before purring loudly again, rubbing his face against my hand. I resume tickling his cheek, as per his request. King Freddie right here…

Glancing sideways at my cousin, I desperately want nothing more than to go back to the way things were before my trip. This is just too messy, and it’s only getting stickier with each day.

Forcing down the lump in my throat, my head shakes.

Sadie’s eyes round, her arm draping around my shoulders as she tips her head to rest against mine. Freddie continues to vibrate against me. I bite down on my lip, forcing myself to focus on the physical pain rather than the ache that seems to be slowly tearing my heart. Her hand rubs against my neck, stroking my skin deliberately, unintentionally grounding me just like Grayson does.

“Laylay,” Sadie whispers over the noise of the TV. Head tipping so that I can read her gaze, she continues, “I want to come with you for the scan.”

My chest bursts with nervous excitement and sadness, an array of butterflies flying beneath my skin. I slowly nod, my pulse thrumming violently. My first ultrasound has been scheduled for this week. Knowing that both my cousin and Mum will be in that room with me, tears return to my waterline.

“I want you there with me, Didi.” I mean it. She’s come all this way to be with me. Who else would I want to be in that room with?

Grayson, obviously, but that’s not going to happen.

Sadie nods, reaching out and stroking Freddie, who has fallen asleep on my lap. “Do you think if you told Scott about it, he’d show?”

I choke out a scoff. “I don’t think he will ever speak to me again, Didi, so I doubt he’d drive all this way to sit with me for an ultrasound.”

She’s silent for a moment, before lowering her voice. “What about Grayson?”

I don’t know.

The expression on his face almost looked like betrayal, which is oddly confusing since he’s the one who made the pact with me in the first place. He wanted to be best friends, and that’s what we are. He made it abundantly clear tonight that’s where we stand, and I’m going to respect that, because even if he’s just my friend, I at least still have him in my life. And that’s better than him being nothing at all.

“I just―” My eyes drop to my finger twisting Freddie’s fluffy tail. “I think I might have ruined everything between us."

Her hand reaches out, taking my own and lacing our fingers. Sniffing, she pulls me into another hug. My pulse beats through me in waves of heaviness as I shut my eyes tighter.

“Not that there was much to ruin.” A loaded sob escapes my throat. “We’re only friends. He’s not the dad, nor romantically attached to me, as much as I hate to admit it…” I exhale shakily. “He doesn’t have any obligation to be a part of this baby’s life.”

Sadie pulls me closer. “It’s okay, Laylay,” she murmurs softly against my temple. Inhaling sharply, my pulse rattles my chest. “You need to do what is best for you. You’re the one having a baby. Not anyone else. And if Grayson turns around and tells you that he wants nothing to do with you just because of a baby, then he’s not a good friend.”

My saliva is thick and sticky as I swallow. She’s right, I know she’s right, but there’s still that small percentage that’s nagging my brain.

Wiping my nose dry, I nod slowly.

My blaring ringtone makes both of us jump. Freddie’s claws dig into my thigh, and I wince sharply. Reaching for my phone, my hand hovers over the coffee table, inches away, eyes glued to the caller ID.

Scott.

Sadie must see it too, because I hear the hitch in her breath.

My fingers tingle, and not the good kind like I get when I’m with Grayson. These are uncomfortable, like my skin is itching from poison ivy.

The call ends. The screen goes black. Then it lights up a second time with the same name stretched across in bold, white letters.

“Laynie, you have to answer it.”

I know, but I can’t move.

My stomach has somehow jumped in my throat and dropped into my intestines. The heat of my blood thickens and bubbles with uncertainty when the screen goes black once again.