Page 73 of Shattered Hearts

I just don’t know how it’ll work with my baby being in the mix. If he wants to be a dad. If he wants to put his life on hold for us.

I might need to be bold and make the first step.

Brushing my lips with my fingertips, I let out a small giggle before peeling out of the ranch.

My boot taps incessantly against the timber decking as I hold the book. I’ve read this same page three times because nothing is sinking in. I can’t get Grayson’s head out of my mind. He looked at me so pained, and I hate that I was the one to make him that way.

Chewing on my lip, I close the battered copy of Persuasion and drop it on the table beside me. The back door slides open. Sadie pokes her head through. She’s been walking around me like the floor is covered in eggshells since I snapped in front of her and my parents last night. I’m not proud of that moment, but I also need them to understand that I feel like I am beginning to suffocate here.

“Can we talk for a minute?” she asks, eyes avoiding mine.

I nod.

She comes to sit in the wicker chair beside me, crossing her lean legs like a frog before sighing out, “I’m sorry that I came here without asking you first.”

Gaze steady on her, my lips part as I shake my head, the arrow piercing my heart once again. I feel like the worst cousin right now with how miserable her expression is. “It’s not that. You know I love seeing you and spending time with you,” I retort, tone light.

Sadie’s mouth scrunches before she turns to face me front on. The last time I saw her looking this way was last year when I was in Sydney and her mum was back in hospital for the fourth time. My cousin was as nervous as she is now, granted back then we were waiting to hear test results. This time, though, it’s because I’ve hurt her. That was the last thing I wanted to do.

“I’m in your way, though. I’m really sorry,” she admits quietly.

My hand reaches out, grabbing hers. I squeeze it tighter. “Don’t apologise, Didi. You came here to be with me, and I didn’t mean to yell. It was just a long day. I was really tired and stressed, and all I wanted was to relax. It wasn’t anything you did.”

Jaw ticking, Sadie nods. “You know you can always tell me anything. I mean, I was the first one you called to say that you were pregnant. Did you think I wouldn’t be able to handle you telling me that you need some space?”

“I didn’t want you to think that you were in my way, or that being here isn’t important to me. It is. I want you here with me, Didi. You’re one of my closest friends.”

Her smile is faint, but I see it. There’s a slight flush to her cheeks blossoming, adding to the rest of her pale pink dance clothes she’s wearing. “I know, and you’re one of mine. Possibly my closest,” she admits with a heavy voice. “But I also think it might be best for me to find my own place. It might not be right away, but I don’t want to be in your hair, especially when the baby is here. The three of us wouldn’t fit in your room.”

My fingers squeeze hers tighter. “Are you sure that you want to do that? I can always find my own place,” I offer.

“But you need your parents to help you out. I’ll be fine on my own,” Sadie adds sharply, as if her decision might change in a few minutes, so she needs to make a definitive choice this second.

“I know you will,” I murmur, grin growing. “I can help you find a place if you like?”

Her cheeks pinch. “That would be great. Do you think we should look here or in Hollow Grove near the studio?”

“It wouldn’t hurt looking in both.”

Sadie grins.

Clearing my throat, my gaze flickers to the backyard full of shrubs, vegetable plants and the tall gum tree that shades most of the muddy grass. “Didi, I don’t want to be too forward with this, but why don’t you want to go back to Sydney?”

Chewing on her lip, she takes a minute to think about my question. I let her, sitting patiently, listening to the birds chirp and the soft rumble of cars passing through town.

“I don’t think I can. Everything reminds me of Mum.”

Meeting her eyes, they’re dark and glassy. I pull her into a side hug, head resting on hers. “What about your dad? Is he okay with you staying here?”

Sadie sniffs loudly. “He’s still struggling a little, but he’s getting better. Plus my brother is there. He’s willing to step in if Dad needs one of us.”

I hold her tighter, not letting her go as we sit in comfortable silence. Sadie’s been through so much over the last year. Her mum passed away. Her fiancé left her. She’s struggling with her own things, and I’m pushing her away.

“You can stay with me as long as you need,” I let out quietly.

She sniffs again, wiping her nose. “But I’m in the way.”

I shake my head. “We’ll make it work for as long as you need.”