Page 108 of This is Me

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“I don’t think I can do this.”

“What?”

“I said, I don’t think I can do this.”

“No, I heard you. It was more of a ‘what’ what?”

“What?”

My harsh whisper danced around Bradly’s as we sat at the back of a small theatre. Both our heads were ducked slightly in the hopes our voices wouldn’t carry to the front of the theatre, where a guy around Brad’s age had just got onto the stage. Brad had only told me this morning that he would be doing the audition. Lucky for him, I didn’t have anything to do on a Saturday, and I could be moral support.

It had been two weeks since my ass got handed to me, and I was feeling much better. My face was still a little bruised, but other than that, I was brilliant. Thankfully, that’s all Mitchell had been able to do to me—bruise me. He couldn’t say the same for what Leroy had done to him, though. A broken nose was not as easy to shake off.

Luckily—or not, depending on how you look at it—I was in good enough condition to take all my final tests the week after I was a punching bag. My brain may not have been in the best condition, but I think I did reasonably okay. Which is mainly in thanks to the studying Cooper had made me do. So, not only was I fighting fit physically, but I was getting their mentally, too, which had helped outside of my schoolwork as well.

After our moment in the boy's bathroom after Mitchell and Cooper had left, things between and Leroy and I had slowly been getting better. They still weren’t perfect, but they were getting there.

We were speaking again and not avoiding each other, which was better than nothing. I still wasn’t sitting with him at lunch, keeping myself with Cooper and Trent, and occasionally Blaire, when she wanted to flirt with Cooper, but everyone was okay with the setup.

I still wasn’t able to wrap my head around the fact that Leroy had tried to kiss me. That he was gay. Of course, we hadn’t talked about it anymore. He was still with Grace. Trying to be someone he wasn’t. It was one of those reasons I didn’t want to go back to how things were. I couldn’t. Not while they were together.

Another thing that had made things a lot easier was Mitchell not being at school. After the whole bathroom incident, my parents had got in contact with the school, and they had suspended him. I was worried about when he came back, however, but I did what I could not to think about it.

“I mean, why are you freaking out all of a sudden?” I asked after a moment, my heartbeat quickening.

I could feel I was on the verge of freaking out myself, now that Brad had started to do so himself. I was getting second-hand anxiety. Fantastic.

“All of a sudden?” Bradly questioned, his voice getting sharper. “I’ve been freaking out for months about this. It’s just escalating!”

“Just remember what I told you.”

“Oh, God. I’m cured. Thank you!” Brad drooled sarcastically, and I rolled my eyes.

The darkness at the back of the theatre was an excellent cover for my exasperation at Bradly.

Luckily for us, everyone else involved in the auditions had decided to sit at the front of the theatre, along with the director and coordinators. It gave Bradly and me a chance to talk in private. Or, in this case, have mild panic attacks together.

“Alright, no need to be a tool. I’m trying to help!”

“You’re not doing a very good job.”

“Or, you know, you could say, ‘thank you for coming to support me, Peter. It means a lot.’ Instead of shitting all over my support,” I snarled, lifting my head back up and focusing my attention on the guy now dancing on the stage.

He was cute. Even from a distance, I could see that. Though, for some reason, I was finding a lot of guys to be attractive. Every time one smiled at me, I felt my heart flutter. None of them had a hold of me like Leroy did though. No smile could ever compare to his.

I knew I had feelings for him, and still did, but I had only recently stopped being angry at him. I didn’t need to start crushing on him again. Especially since he wasn’t openly gay, and he was still with Grace. Everything about it was a big no.

Plus, I didn’t even know if he liked me like that. Yeah, sure, he tried to kiss me, but that could mean anything. Maybe, gay people kiss other people for no reason. How the hell was I supposed to know?

I couldn’t deny his smile, though. Always so bright and perfect—and oh, my God, I am crushing on him again.

“Peter, Jesus. Are you okay?” Brad’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts, and I turned to look at him.

“What?” I asked bluntly before I could stop myself.

My mind was still trained on Leroy, and my emotions were circling inside me like a cyclone. Did I want to kiss him? Was I still a little mad at him? Was I in love with him? Did I want him to come out as gay and be with me?