Page 117 of This is Me

“Now, I know you all want to get back to dancing, making-out, and definitely not drinking alcohol. So, I will make this short and sweet!” Riley gestured to a girl to the side of the stage, who quickly jumped up and joined him in front of everyone, bringing a large, colourful, cardboard box with her.

“Thank you, Clarrie. Now, in this comically large box, is one name. Yes. Only one tiny piece of paper is in this box, and it contains the name of the Peer of the Year. Every single student has voted, and the name in this box was the most voted for person in the school!”

A few of the students clapped and cheered, but most of them stood, waiting for Riley to announce who it was.

Starring up onto the stage at Riley, I noticed for the first time what he was wearing—a white shirt and denim jeans with the cuffs rolled up.

The same thing that Leroy had been wearing yesterday.

My mind began to slowly tick over, getting faster and faster with each second, thinking about what I had done. What if we couldn’t get back from that? All I wanted was for things to go back to how they were. Yes, it wasn’t ideal. Me falling in love with him while he was oblivious, but it was better than this. It was better than feeling as though my heart was being stripped away, one sliver at a time.

I had no idea what Leroy was thinking. But I now knew what he was going through. I knew that everything I had feared for myself—losing my family, my friends, and having to pretend that it was nothing—Leroy was living that.

Everything had worked out for me. I had got my friends and made new ones. I was accepted into my home. I was loved, and I could be myself. But Leroy didn’t. Leroy couldn’t be himself. Unless he was with me.

‘When I’m with you, I feel like I can. I’ve always felt like I can.’

And I’d pushed him away. I’d left him alone. What if he doesn’t feel that way anymore? What if I had ruined that for him, and he no longer felt like he could be himself around me?

When I wasn’t out, I would have given anything to be able to be myself and completely let go. Yes, I had Blaire and Brad, but I still always held on. It wasn’t until I spoke with Jordan—someone like me—that I was finally able to do that.

I had robbed Leroy of that.

“Now, the Peer of the Year is… Peter Stone!”

The students began to cheer as soon as Riley said my name, and I was pulled out of my thoughts. I looked around at all the students who were yelling my name, and I turned to Cooper, who was wearing a surprised look. My heart was thumping loudly in my chest, so much so everyone could probably see my chest moving. Blaire gave me a quick jab in the arm, and I looked at her, a broad smile plastered on her face.

“Go up on the stage, Peter!”

“I…”

I couldn’t find the words to say as I continued to stand frozen where I was.

I didn’t want this. I didn’t deserve it. The sound of my name being shouted over and over was drilling into my mind, and I felt my breathing start getting laboured.

I need to get out.

“I need some air,” I said quickly, pushing past Blaire and making my way through the crowded students, away from the stage.

The cheering soon stopped as all eyes were seemingly on me, but I kept my head down and powered through. As I reached the door, Riley spoke again.

“Uh, well, does anyone want to accept it on Peter’s behalf?”

Opening the door and quickly slipping outside, I heard Blaire yell that she would, and I cursed at myself.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.”

My whole body was shaking, and I took in a deep breath. Being able to do that told me that it wasn’t a panic attack.

“Peter!” Cooper’s voice came from behind me, and I turned to see him walking out of the hall. “Are you alright?”

“No! I’m an asshole. I’m one of the worst people in this school, and I…” I trailed off as I pointed toward the hall, hating myself for snapping. “I don’t deserve any of that shit.”

“Pete, you’re one of the most caring people I’ve met—if not the most,” Cooper stated, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and guiding me away from the hall. “You were the first person to never question who I was. And you were there. Always.”

“I keep making mistakes.”

I wanted to go back and fix everything I had done. That’s where I needed to go now. I needed to fix things.

“You’re a teenager. That’s all we do, Peter.” Cooper squeezed my shoulders before letting out a chuckle. “Or should I say, Peer of the Year?”

A small laugh escaped my lips. “You should not say that. You should never say that.”

We both fell silent for a moment as we continued to slowly walk together. The night air, the fading music, and the comforting embrace of Cooper helped calm me down and clear my mind, and now I knew what I had to do.

“I have to go. I’ll be back before the dance ends—” I started but cut myself off.

We had walked around the outside of the school’s hall and over to the large field where the fireworks were being set up. My eyes scanned over the workers and landed on the boy who made my heart jump into my throat.

Leroy was standing alone on the field, looking at me.