Page 46 of This is Me

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The next few days after my ‘therapy’ session with Blaire dragged on. It was torture. Not only did I have to pretend I wasn’t falling in love with my best friend, but I also had to fake smile and act like I adored his new girlfriend. At many, many moments throughout each day that passed, I felt as if swallowing a sword would be better than seeing them together. No, that wasn’t meant to be a double entendre.

Acting like I was okay was, actually, the easy part. The hard part was not continuing to fall in love with Leroy. You would think my brain would have at least tried to stop itself once it saw Leroy was clearly happy in his relationship. But no. If anything, my feelings for Leroy had skyrocketed. Every little thing he did became much more prominent, though I have no idea how. I was already noticing every mannerism he had like my senses had been dialled up to eleven. But, somehow, I’d managed to escalate them. Good fucking job, me.

Currently, I was trying not to stare at him in P.E.

“Mr Stone, were you going to join us today, or are you looking to get detention?” Mrs Tyson’s voice reminded me that I was failing at that.

“Sorry, I zoned out for a second there,” I replied, sheepishly smiling at my gym teacher as she shook her head.

“It’s your turn to sprint. You’re with Makenzie, Taylor, Clarke, Leroy, and Phillip.”

“Oh, good,” I murmured as I took my position next to Leroy.

As much as I didn’t want to get too close to him for fear of not being able to control myself from saying or doing something stupid, I couldn’t just avoid him. I didn’t want him to know there was something wrong. As far as he knew, there wasn’t, and I wanted to keep it that way.

“Still not sleeping, Pete?” Leroy asked in a hushed whisper as we both lowered ourselves and got ready for Mrs Tyson’s command.

“Not as much as I’d like to, no.”

I shot Leroy a smile, trying to indicate not to worry, but it seemed to have gotten lost in translation, as his whole faced dropped and he turned away from me.

Yeah, that was a punch to the gut.

“GO!”

Mrs Tyson’s voice caught me off guard, and I stumbled as I pushed forward. When I finally started to get momentum, I looked ahead and saw that no matter what I did, I was not going to catch Leroy. But I could watch him all day. I knew I shouldn’t have been thinking that, but I couldn’t help it. He was so perfect, and I fucking hated it.

“Looks like you’re still shit at running, Pete!” Taylor chirped as I came to a stop just after her.

“I literally would have caught you if we had another five meters,” I retorted with a laugh.

“But we didn’t have another five meters. Ergo, you suck.”

“We both know I don’t know what ‘ergo’ means!”

“It means ‘therefore’,” Leroy said, coming to stand beside me and smiling at Taylor. “It’s Latin.”

“You’re Latin,” I murmured, regretting it instantly as Leroy moved his face next to my ear and whispered.

“Great comeback.”

Shivers shot down my spine, and I did all I could to keep myself composed. I had known Leroy for a while now, but not once had he ever gotten that close to me, and I hated myself for wanting him to do it again. To get even closer.

“Shut up, you nerd,” I said, glaring at him, while Taylor laughed and walked away.

“Do you want to come to my place this afternoon?” Leroy asked suddenly, and I shot him a questioning look.

“I thought you’d want to hang out with Grace?”

I had no idea why I said that. I should be happy that he wanted to spend time with me, even if the thought of it did make me have to fight off a few thoughts that I should not have been thinking.

“Just because I’m in a relationship, doesn’t mean I’m going to stop spending time with my best friend,” Leroy said with a chuckle, and I smiled. “Plus, I’ve been staying at Andy’s, but I’m back home, and think it’d be cool if we hung out. Just the two of us.”

Leroy’s words made my heart flutter. Just the two of us. Did I really want to be spending time alone with Leroy, considering how I was feeling? The answer to that was most definitely no.

“Why have you been staying at Andy’s?” I asked, prolonging the conversation a little more before I had to give an answer.