Page 50 of This is Me

The Longest Afternoon

“You’re a little quiet, Pete,” Leroy said as we drew closer to his house, and I let out a small hum.

He wasn’t wrong. Ever since we had dropped Blaire off and it had just been Leroy and myself, I hadn’t been able to find anything to say. Not that my mind wasn’t brimming with things I wanted to say or questions that I wanted to ask, but I couldn’t bring myself to let any words slip from my mouth.

I could have sworn this car trip was a lot shorter.

“Anything on your mind?” Leroy asked, and I shook my head, keeping my eyes on the road.

“No, no,” I lied, and I bit my lower lip.

I had no doubt that this would be a whole lot easier if I hadn’t found myself falling for Leroy. Perhaps if I didn’t have feelings for him, I would be able to tell him that I was gay. I would be able to open up to him and bear whatever would come. Maybe I was fooling myself. Even without feelings for Leroy, things wouldn’t change. I wouldn’t change.

I knew that no matter what, I would always be afraid to tell Leroy who I was. Mitchell’s comment earlier in the week had solidified my fears that some people wouldn’t accept me. What if one of those people was Leroy?

“Anything on yours?” I asked as we finally pulled up in front of Leroy’s house, and I turned the car off.

“No, no,” Leroy mimicked me, and I knew he was also lying.

When you’ve been friends with someone for a while, you can pick up on those things. The way his voice shook ever so slightly and the twitchy smile that rushed across his face. I could read him like a book.

I had no doubt he also knew I wasn’t telling the truth.

“Let’s head inside. Dad finishes work in about two hours, so I won’t have to…” Leroy trailed off as he grabbed his bag and gripped the door handle.

Watching him closely, I grabbed my own bag, waiting for him to finish. I could feel that he wanted to talk about something, but I doubted that he would. Something was holding him back, just as there was something holding me back.

I missed it when we could tell each other anything. Though, it seemed like those days were far behind us as we both stayed in silence in the car, waiting for the other to get out first. I was the one to make that move.

“Let’s roll then.”

Knowing better than to push Leroy, I opened the door and felt the afternoon ripple around my feet as I stepped onto the pavement.

Hearing Leroy’s door open and close, I made my way around the front of the car and followed him up toward his house, swinging my bag over my shoulder. Even by the way he walked, it seemed more sluggish than usual, as if coming home had the opposite effect on him than every other student.

Usually, the energy that seemed to evaporate from everyone at school flowed back into them when they got home. Leroy, however, seemed to only get more drained, and as he looked back at me and smiled, I could tell it was forced. Something about the look on his face told me he would rather be anywhere other than at his own house.

“So, why aren’t you at Andy’s this afternoon?” I asked as we reached Leroy’s front door and he opened it, gesturing inside. “I know you’ve been staying at his house a bit.”

“Oh, yeah,” Leroy mumbled, walking inside behind me and closing the door. “He has some stuff on, and I don’t like being there when he isn’t.”

Nodding along to Leroy’s words, I let him walk by me and followed him through the cluttered lounge room the front door led into. Leroy’s house was by no means small, however, with all of the junk and rubbish that was lying around the place, it certainly made it feel that way.

I knew none of the junk was Leroy’s as he was a sanitary and organised person, so, I assumed it was his fathers, someone I had never met. From what Leroy had told me, he was the complete opposite of his son. Leroy often brightened up when he talked about how he took after his mother. Sadly, she was no longer around, and it looked as though the household had been greatly affected by it.

“Are you hungry or thirsty?” Leroy asked as we walked out of the lounge room and into the small kitchen.

“I’m good, thanks,” I said with a smile, and Leroy nodded and quickly looked away, keeping his eyes on the tile floor.

I really wish I knew what was going on in his head.

Continuing to follow Leroy through the house, which was a horribly designed straight line, I started to wonder why anyone would build a house like this. Beginning in the lounge room, then going into the kitchen, then a hallway with a bathroom, laundry, and two bedrooms attached to it. I didn’t even think the house had a back door.

Who was I kidding? I didn’t care about the architecture of the house; I was only doing my best not to think about Leroy. It wasn’t working. I couldn’t get his damn smile out of my head.

“So, I was thinking we could do some…” Leroy started, though mumbled the last words, so I couldn’t hear them.

“What?” I asked, shooting Leroy a questioning look as we reached the door at the end of the hallway with his name hanging on it.