Page 7 of This is Me

“They’ll drink whatever we get them!” Blaire said with a snicker before grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the exit. “Come on. We gotta leave now if we’re gonna make it back in time.”

I nodded in response and let myself be dragged back through the hall and out the door we had come in. Our feet hit the concrete stairs as we began to run down them before sprinting across the car park to where I had parked my car.

“Shotgun!” Blaire yelled, letting out a loud laugh as we reached the car.

“You don’t need to shout ‘shotgun’ when you’re the only passenger.” I laughed along with her as we both got in the car and put our belts on.

“True, but I never win that game.”

“Game?” I questioned, bringing my car to life and putting it in reverse. “Blaire, ‘shotgun’ is not a game. It’s the law of the land. It’s a very serious thing.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever it is, I never get to sit in the front.”

“You’ve just gotta be quicker.” I let out a chuckle as I pulled out of the parking spot and put my car in first. The one thing I wasn’t too fond of in my car was that it was a manual. I was still trying getting the hang of it.

“My fists are pretty quick,” Blaire shot back. I saw her give me a quick wink out of the corner of my eye, and I shook my head.

“Calm down, Chuck Norris.”

Blaire laughed again as she sat back in her seat, though I could still feel her eyes trained on me as I did my best to shift gears smoothly as I made my way through the car park.

“Shit, sorry,” I mumbled as the car jolted forward as I changed its gear.

“Jesus, Pete. Did you not get lessons?” Blaire questioned, rearranging herself in her seat.

“Shut up! My brother taught me!” I retorted, regaining some of my driving confidence and changing the gear a little more smoothly as I pulled out onto the main road.

“He must be a shit driver, Pete.” Blaire chuckled, and I joined her.

“Yeah, to be honest, he isn’t the best, but I can’t complain too much. I did get my license, so he can’t be that bad.”

“True. My brothers wouldn’t even get in the car with me when I was learning.”

“You have, like, four brothers, don’t you?” I asked. Sometimes I found it hard to keep track of my friend's families, but I’m pretty sure they were the same with mine. At least, I hoped.

“Five,” Blaire corrected me. “Four older and one younger.”

“Oh yeah. It’s been ages since I’ve been to your house. But if memory serves correctly, they’re assholes.”

“It’s not too bad. Being the only girl sucks a little bit, but at the same time, I can get away with a lot of shit.”

“How so?” I found myself asking. I was never the best at small talk, but I also hated silences. I was pretty confident that Blaire had told me all of this before at some point, but I thought to have her repeat it would be better than facing a silence.

I feel that’s where a lot of my feelings lie—in silences. I always get an odd sensation when I’m faced with the absence of sound, especially when I’m with someone. It’s a gap in conversation that I feel needs to be filled with something. Anything. Usually, my mind thinks to fill the silence with coming out, so I always have to try and make sure there are other things to fill it with instead. Like a conversation I no doubt have already had with someone.

“I don’t even know, Pete,” Blaire responded, nudging my arm slightly as an indication telling me to turn into the small drive-through coffee shop just off the main road. Well, it wasn’t just a drive-through coffee shop, but it gave the option. In actuality, it was a twenty-four-hour coffee shop called ‘The Coffee House’, and it was a place our small group often found ourselves hanging out.

“It’s like, my parents won’t get mad at me if I do something wrong because it’s always one of my older brother’s fault.”

“That doesn’t sound fair.” I chuckled as I pulled in behind a car that was currently getting its order filled.

“Well, no. But I’m not complaining.” Blaire laughed and turned to look at me, just as I turned to look at her.

A silence fell in the car, and I could feel my heartbeat begin to quicken. A particular thought circled in my head as I looked into Blaire’s eyes, and a sinking feeling formed in the pit of my stomach. I could feel my hands start to shake, and my legs begin to jig on the spot. Just as I opened my mouth though, a car’s horn ripped me away from the reality I had found myself in, and I looked in front of me.

The car that had once sat there was now nowhere in sight, and I saw in my rear-view mirror that there was quite an angry driver sitting behind me. I quickly put my car in first again and rolled my car forward to put in our coffee order, silently thanking the driver behind us for honking his horn.

I could see Blaire shaking her head beside me while we waited for our order. It was only a matter of time before she cautioned me about drifting off in the driver’s seat.