Page 75 of This is Me

“Dibs on showering first!” John yelled, jumping up from his seat and running out of the room.

“Wait, no!” Phillip quickly followed John, and a few yells were heard further in the house.

“Well, fuck. Hope you like cold showers, Pete.” Jordan sighed, slowly getting up from his seat and handing his dishes to his dad. “‘Cause they’re gonna use up all the hot water.”

“You make it sound like they’re going to shower together.” I chuckled, getting up with Blaire, who rolled her eyes.

“It wouldn’t surprise me. Twins are weird like that.”

“They each shower for about fifty minutes,” Jordan stated after giving Blaire a weird look. “I’d kill them both if they showered together.”

“Why is that?” Mrs Brodie asked, starting to wipe down the table. “When you were younger, you used to take baths with both of them.”

“That was different. We were poor.”

“Come on, Pete,” Blaire said, leading me out of the dining room and down a small hall.

The Brodie’s home was tiny for the number of people who lived in it. It had become a little less crowded since James had moved out, giving Jordan his own room, but it was still a very tight squeeze. John and Phillip shared a room, and Lachlan, now Jordan had moved into James’ room, also had his own room.

Blaire, being the only girl, got her own room, which was where I had spent the past few nights passed out. It was also tiny, made even smaller by the mattress in the middle of the floor. No doubt, I would be sleeping on that this time, instead of Blaire’s bed.

“It really had been ages since you’ve had to put up with my family, hasn’t it?” Blaire asked, pulling me inside her room and falling onto her bed.

“It has. Lachlan was only little last time,” I said with a laugh, placing myself on the end of Blaire’s bed, and leaning up against the wall.

It was an understatement to say that Blaire’s room was a mess, which I was only now just noticing. Clothes littered the floor, along with books, bags, make-up, among many other things. Her single bed was shoved up against the wall to the left of the room, while a tiny desk was right next to her bedside table. There wasn’t a lot of room to maneuverer, especially when most of the floor was now a bed for me.

“How are you feeling?” Blaire asked, quickly checking her phone that sat on charge, before looking at me.

I wished I knew the answer to that question. Because, honestly, I had no idea how I was feeling. I was relieved, of course, thanks to Blaire’s family. Though, what happened with Leroy kept playing in my mind.

I was scared of what was to come. What he would think of me or if he would ever talk to me again. I hadn’t even been able to work up the courage to message Andy. Knowing that he didn’t care that I was gay helped put my mind at ease, and him talking to Leroy helped, too. Whether it would make Leroy come around was anyone’s guess, however.

I wish I knew what was going on in his mind.

On top of that, I was scared of what I was going to face at school and at home. I hadn’t heard from my parents since Saturday, and I had no idea what they thought about me. I could stop myself from thinking that I would never be able to walk into my childhood home again and have it feel just like that. A home.

So, to answer Blaire’s question, “I have no fucking idea.”

“Have you been on the school's social wall since…?” Blaire asked, trailing off.

“No.”

Why would I? I didn’t want to see what people were saying about me, and as my mind drifted to Leroy and Mitchell, I realised I already knew what some of them thought.

“Hold on.” Blaire wiggled around for a moment before she jumped up from her bed and grabbed her laptop from the small desk and brought it back, resting herself next to me.

“Blaire, I don’t want—”

“No, shut up,” Blaire insisted and waited for the laptop to load up, all while my heart was beating a thousand miles an hour, smashing against my rib cage.

I didn’t want to see what people were saying, but maybe it was for the best. Perhaps it would prepare me for what would happen tomorrow. I highly doubted it, but I could have hope. The best-case scenario was that I went through school tomorrow, and it would be like nothing had happened. Going from what had happened when I was there this morning, though, I wasn’t so sure.

“Just going to turn ‘auto-play’ off, ‘cause I’m sure you don’t want to watch the video again.” Blaire’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts, and I looked at the laptop screen.

“Thank you—wait,” I started, but stopped myself as I watched Blaire scroll through our school's social wall.

Post after post, I saw my video show up, with only a few random posts in between, and as Blaire continued through the wall, it kept showing up. Over and over again.