Page 87 of This is Me

Emotions

“Pete, Pete, Lemonade, ‘round the corner… Cooper is here!” Cooper’s voice slid into my ear as I leant up against the wall outside of the school.

I had been waiting there for a while, out of the way of the other students, watching them walk down into the parking lot, and others heading in the other direction to the buses.

I wouldn’t usually wait around here after school, but I had a few reasons for doing so today. The main one was to avoid Leroy. I knew that he would be heading into the carpark with Andy—however, I didn’t know when, and I wasn’t about to make myself deal with the awkwardness and even hostility between us. I’d already had to push through that during math class.

You would think it would be easy to ignore someone who you’re trying to avoid when they’re sitting on the other side of a classroom. But, for some reason, I always found my attention drifting to him. My eyes lingered on him for countless minutes at a time as I wondered what was going through his head, and what was making him act this way toward me.

There were times he would look toward me as I was staring, and I would have to quickly look away. Other times, I would glance over at him to see him already looking at me. This made what was usually a fifty-minute class turn into an eternity as the endless churn in my stomach and in my heart fuelled my emotions.

The emotions that I couldn’t get a hold on, or even a read on. One moment I was angry at Leroy. Silently cursing him and wanting nothing to do with him. Then, the next, I was pitying him. Sad for what was happening in his home, and to him. Making up excuses for the way he was acting.

Yes, maybe he did have good excuses. Perhaps what was happening with his father was more than what I had seen. But was that enough to forgive him for turning away from me? For not saying anything or giving me a reason?

To everyone else, it might not seem like anything. To the rest of the school, it might seem like I was overreacting. But Leroy was my best friend. If there was anyone who I thought would stay by my side, it would have been him. Forget everything that happened. My feelings for him and the kiss that had almost happened that he didn’t even know about.

After everything we had been through together—the late-night gaming and all-nighters we’d pulled. To the dangerous stunts we did together after school, along with Andy and Blaire. I thought he would be by my side no matter what. No matter who I was.

I wanted to be angry. I had the right to be angry. I was. But I could never stay that way because it was Leroy. It was the boy whose eyes sparkled when he smiled, and the one who bit his lip after saying a joke.

It was the boy who I knew had lost so much. From his mother to a father who used to care who was now slowly unravelling.

Andy was right. I had never been one to turn my back or judge someone when I didn’t know everything. But I did know everything, didn’t I?

Fuck knows anymore. I just wanted to confront him, though, at the same time, I wanted to let it go. To let him go. Why the fuck was that so hard?

To make things worse, that was only one of the reasons I was waiting in a little hiding spot. The others involved Mitchell and his gang of five that I had spotted throughout the day, all hanging around together, glaring in my direction. I had no doubt Cooper and Trent had been getting the same treatment, so hearing Cooper’s cheerful voice sent a wave of relief through me.

He was okay.

“Trent’s also here,” Trent said, and I turned to Cooper walking over to me, and Trent peering around from behind him.

Both of them looking happy and unharmed.

Maybe I was giving Mitchell and his gang too much credit. Did they really have the guts to attack one of us? Everyone else in the school seemed to support us, so it would be social suicide to try anything to harm us.

Then again, if Donny hadn’t been with me when Mitchell was around before…

“You look a little sick. Are you okay, Pete?” Cooper asked, and I waved his question off as he came to a stop in front of me. Trent at his side.

“I’m fine. Just a few things on my mind,” I muttered, eternally thankful for the trees surrounding the area we were in.

The shade and coolness they gave was calming, which was something I could not get enough of.

“Is it the Mitchell thing?” Cooper asked, and I looked at him in surprise.

How the hell did he know?

“Oh, yeah. Are you okay?” Trent pressed, moving away from Cooper and coming to rest beside me, leaning on the wall. “Donny cornered us before last period and told us what happened and to be careful.”

“Really?” I questioned, surprise still written on my face as I looked from Trent to Cooper.

I had never seen Donny as the type to care about anyone else other than himself. Well, and his sister, I guess. So, the fact that he was, first of all, apologising to me and protecting me, and then warning Cooper and Trent about Mitchell was…

I have no idea. There were no words.

“Yeah!” Cooper exclaimed with a light chuckle, playing with a few low hanging leaves on one of the trees. “At first, I was a little scared. ‘Cause, you know, it’s Donny. But then he came out with that.”