Page 94 of This is Me

For a moment, only silence followed it. Though as I kept listening, the faded sound of footsteps greeted me. Slowly getting closer, and soon, I could see the shadow of someone through the paned glass before the door opened and I was flooded with light.

My heart seemed to have stopped as I looked at my mother standing in the doorway, a nightgown draped on her and an unimpressed look on her face. However, the look quickly changed as she saw my face, and one that eased all of my worries replaced it.

It was warm and filled with love, and it was clear to me almost instantly that I was welcome.

“Peter,” she managed to say after a few moments.

“Hi,” I muttered, trying my best to keep myself together. “Can I come in?”

“Of course, honey. You don’t need to ask,” my mum said, quickly moving aside, making room for me to pass.

“I just thought…” I said quietly, trailing off as I slipped past her and into the house, feeling the warmth it had to offer.

“What’s in the bigger bag?” Mum asked, closing the door behind me, and I turned back around to look at her.

“My things,” I replied slowly.

There was still a large part of me that was scared I wasn’t welcome back home and even as I looked into the loving eyes of my mother, I couldn’t stop that part of me being pushed to the front of my mind.

“Does this mean…?” my mum started to ask, but couldn’t seem to get the words out, and I nodded, knowing I wouldn’t be able to get them out either.

I only saw the flash of a smile before I was pulled into a tight hug, and I could feel slight tremors running through my mum’s body.

“I missed you so much,” my mum whispered into my ear, her voice cracking as she spoke.

“I missed you, too,” I whispered back, trying to hold back my own tears.

The ebbing feeling of something horrible happening, and the anxious feeling that came with it, slowly began to fade, as I fell further into my mums embrace.

“I’m so, so sorry, Pete,” mum started to say, but I cut her off, pulling myself away from her.

“Don’t be.”

“I probably never made it easy for you. And when I saw the video, I wanted to run to you and tell you how proud I am, and how much I love you. Then Brad said you wanted space and—” Mum cut herself off, looking at me with tears in her eyes.

“Can we just… I don’t want to talk about it,” I said quickly, knowing that if we started, I wouldn’t be able to hold myself together.

“Of course. I’m just glad you decided to come back,” mum said with a soft smile as she gently stroked my arm.

“Hey, Pete,” I heard my dad say from behind me, and I turned around to look down the hallway, where he was standing.

“Hey, dad,” I said, moving down the hall toward him and wrapping my arms around him. “I missed you.”

“Me, too, bud.” My dad tightened his arms around me for a few moments before we separated, and he rested his hands on my shoulders. “Are you okay?”

“One step at a time,” I muttered, giving him a small smile.

“You meet any… boys?” my dad asked slowly, and I felt my face heat up as I shook my head.

“We didn’t talk about that stuff before. We don’t need to start now.”

“Okay, okay,” he said with a chuckle, dropping his hands from my shoulders. “But, just know, if you ever need to talk—”

“Yes, dad. I get it. Thank you!” I said quickly, my face continuing to heat up

I knew exactly where he was going with that sentence, and while I really appreciated him trying, I did not need the ‘birds and the bees’ talk from my father. I hated to imagine how he would work a gay theme into it.

“Alright, good,” he said, clearing his throat and nodding.