Page 124 of For I Have Sinned

“Yeah, he is a very generous man.” Bile rises in my throat as the words leave my mouth.

Darting my eyes to the table across from us, I find Father Keaton watching us converse. When his gaze lands on mine, he offers a wicked smile. Feeling uncomfortable under his stare, I slide my attention to Alex, who is sitting next to him. He is also watching us—well, me —with a hunger in his eyes. Heat fills my stomach as I wonder what dirty things are going through his mind.

“I did hear that there will be a huge feast after!” Joanna adds.

I look at her with a flat smile and sigh quietly. I wish someone knew more about what was going on. Not knowing is driving me insane because I am the type of person who wants to learn about things in advance, so I know what I’m getting myself into.

Finally, I pop the potato into my mouth and chew it slowly as I look back at Father Keaton, who is now talking with Sister Alice. He is leaning close to her; his words are quiet to make sure no one will overhear. With him being occupied, an idea comes to me. One I know Alex won’t approve of.

“My mother should be visiting soon,” I announce to the table, looking directly at Esther and gesturing slightly to the door. “I’m going to use the bathroom before she shows up.”

Esther’s head dips, and I stand from my seat. My eyes catch Alex, who sits up straight as he follows my movements. I shake my head at him, in a way to tell him not to follow after me. He frowns, and then his eyes move to Esther, who also stands up. She doesn’t tell the two women where she’s going because they don’t care.

Once we dispose of our food and plates, we make our way towards the exit of the dining hall. With every step, I sense Alex’s eyes on me. I don’t bother glancing over my shoulder to look at him because I don’t want him to take that last glance as an invitation.

In the quiet hall, closer to the chapel, Esther asks, “What’s going on?”

“That is what I want to find out,” I tell her. “Do you mind being my lookout?”

“Uhm, of course, I’ll be your lookout!” Esther says with enthusiasm, and she doesn’t even ask why. She just follows me down the hall towards Father Keaton’s office.

The door is shut, but knowing he is in the dining hall, I open it with ease. “Stand in the doorway, and let me know if anyone comes down the hall.”

“Got it.” She nods and stands guard.

The desk is cleaner this time, with only a few papers stacked beside his laptop. Opening the device, I stare at the area where you are supposed to type in the password.

“What do you think his password is?” I ask Esther, getting a déjà vu from when Alex was in here with me.

“I don’t know. Probably Joanna,” she jokes, but it’s not a bad guess.

I type it in, and a red X pops up. “Well, that’s not it.”

“What else could it be?”

I mull over options in my head. “You don’t think he’d choose something as simple as God, do you?”

Esther lifts her shoulders. “Honestly, maybe.”

It would be too easy and stupid if that were his password. But I give it a shot and end up seeing that red X again. “Dammit.”

Words fly around in my brain, trying to put myself in Father Keaton’s head to figure out what he would have chosen. God was too easy, and even he knew that. Joanna would have been a good password because no one would have guessed it. But then again, would he ever suspect that someone would try to break into his computer?

I’m not sure how many more attempts I have, which means I need to be careful with my next guess. I trail my eyes over his desk, stopping at the white notepad with the convent’s name written in letterhead. The word ‘Grace’ stands out the most, and I say fuck it and type it in. The system thinks for a moment before the desktop’s home screen appears.

“It worked,” I whisper to myself.

“What exactly are you looking for?” Esther asks, quickly glancing my way.

“I’d like to figure out what the hell he has planned, and why he is being so secretive about it.”

“It is pretty weird,” she says. “Speaking of, why did you get all tense when Joanna said the date?”

“The secret event is happening on my birthday.” I lift my eyes to look at her over the screen. “Not really thrilled about having to go to whatever this thing is. I was planning on wallowing in my self-pity in my bedroom all day.”

“You hate your birthday?”

“No, but I’m not able to spend it with my friends.” I flash a sad smile. “Plus, I’ll be thirty, so that bums me out.”