Page 147 of For I Have Sinned

I don’t wait for her response. I turn around and book it back to Alex while sirens sound in the distance.

Chapter 47

Celine

“Patient’s name is Alexander Cohen, priest at Grace Community. Gunshot wound to the chest…”

The paramedic begins to explain to someone as they push the gurney through a set of double doors. A pair of hands stops me from entering with them, telling me I’m not allowed beyond this point, but their words are distorted as I watch them take Alex away.

Alex!

The scream echoes through my head as my vision begins to fade.

Wake up, Alex!

I need you.

Each plea gets louder in my mind, and I squeeze my eyes shut to rid myself of my screams and hope to regain my vision, but when I open them, it’s like I’m back in the church, reliving everything that happened.

My heart sinks when I enter the room where the carnage occurred to see Alex lying in the same spot I left him. From here, I don’t see his chest moving. I rush to him, but when I approach the stage, my steps falter briefly, causing me to grip onto a pew to my right to hold myself steady. He’s not breathing at all…

He’s not breathing!

Adrenaline kicks in, and I push myself away from the pew, my feet digging into the floor as I run to him, ignoring the way my ribs scream at me to slow down. I push through their cries of discomfort, and the next thing I know, I’m on the stage, dropping to my knees beside him as I press my hands to his chest to start compressions.

I can’t lose him.

I won’t.

I refuse.

“Wake up, Alex!” Tears roll down my face. “Come on! Wake up!” I force the words out as I begin sobbing, unable to breathe myself.

My broken wrist is throbbing with excruciating pain, the sensation shooting throughout my entire arm every time I push down on his chest, but I don’t stop. I grit my teeth and wince through the pain because I’m not losing him. My body is broken and beaten, exhausted from the things I endured, but I’ll be damned if I let those weaknesses get the best of me and stop me from saving him.

I don’t know what I’d do without him.

After counting to thirty, I lean down, tilting his head back and giving him two lengthy breaths before continuing with the compressions. My vision becomes blurry because he is still unresponsive. Alex’s head lolls to the side as my hands work his chest with as much strength as I can muster. His eyes are shut, and he looks so peaceful, like he is sleeping.

But he’s not waking up.

Why isn’t he waking up?

Why isn’t he breathing?

“I love you. Please, Alex. Please, just breathe.” My voice quivers, my entire body begins to tremble as I sob. Tears fall onto my hands, the wetness mixing with his blood that is now painting my skin. I sniffle, and I whisper, “I need you.”

Far in the distance, the sound of footsteps rushing towards the stage fills the room, but I don’t look away from Alex.

I can’t.

From the corner of my eye, I see two paramedics kneeling on either side of me.

One gently lays a hand on my shoulder and says, “We can take over from here.”

I don’t stop my movements because I’m afraid that stopping, even for just a second, will be the reason he doesn’t come back to me.

Shaking my head, I continue compressions when the other paramedic calmly says, “Miss, let us take over.”