Page 149 of For I Have Sinned

My eyes open, and I see a figure before me. I blink a few times, and when my vision finally adjusts, I notice an officer holding a bag. His brows furrow and his head tilts as he stares down at me, clearly concerned. I stare back for a moment before scanning my surroundings. I’m no longer in the ambulance but sitting in a hospital waiting room.

When did I get here?

A sudden throbbing sensation bursts through my arm as I feel something heavy squeezing against it. I hiss at the ache and drop my eyes to see where it’s coming from, and find my arm is covered in a cast. My gaze drops to my lap, and I see that I’m no longer wearing the white dress. Instead, I’m wearing soft sweatpants and a loose, comfortable shirt. Everything that was once covered and soaked in blood is gone.

“Miss?” The officer’s cautious voice pulls me from my thoughts. “I was able to get your belongings from the church,” he tells me as he sets the bag on the empty chair next to me.

“The church…” I repeat quietly, my eyes falling to the bag that’s embroidered with ‘Grace Community,’ and everything comes flooding back to my memory. “Alex.” I search the room, my voice rising slowly as my chin quivers and the panic sets in. “Where’s Alex?”

I begin to stand when I hear the officer yell for a nurse, who is quick to come over and help calm me down. She tells me her name is Nurse Sophie and informs me that I’m at City Hospital. She motions for me to breathe and sit back down as she kneels with me, repeatedly assuring me that I am okay, that I am in a safe place, and that Alex is safe, too.

Nurse Sophie turns her head to the officer and informs him that this is a possible reaction for someone who’s just come out of a traumatic experience, and tells him that she will keep an eye on me. He nods in understanding and leaves the lobby.

With the nurse at my eye level, she asks, “Can you tell me the last thing you remember?”

Closing my eyes, I take in a deep breath and try to really think about it. “Being in the ambulance, I think. I-I don’t know… How long have I been here? Where’s Alex?”

“You and Father Alexander arrived here about three hours ago. The doctors took him into surgery right away.”

I’ve been out of it for three hours?

“You were taken to see a doctor, and once he looked over the intensity of your injuries, he decided to order some X-Rays. He determined your wrist had been broken and applied a cast.” She points to my arm and lightly jokes. “I hope you like the color green because you’re stuck with it until your wrist heals.”

I look at the cast, and I feel the ghost of a smile tug at my lips. It’s green, and even though it’s not the same shade, it’s still Alex’s favorite color.

“I love it.”

“Good, I’m glad.” She smiles. “Your ribs are also severely bruised, so you’ll need to be extra careful with your movements. Tylenol and Ibuprofen will be your best friends right now. They will help relieve some of the inflammation and pain.”

“Okay.” The only place I feel pain right now is where the cast is attached to my arm, which I guess is a good sign that the medication is working.

“We also got you some new clothes to wear. The sizes are limited, but hopefully you find them cozy and comfortable.”

It feels nice to be in something other than that damn dress. After the traumatic events unfolded, I don’t think I’ll ever look at a white dress the same.

“Once you were discharged, I brought you here to rest, given how upset you seemed about Father Alexander’s condition.”

I stare at my feet, but nod my head to acknowledge what she is saying.”Did you call his mom?”

“Someone called his emergency contact. She is on her way.” The news that Alex’s mom is coming makes me relax a bit. “I will go check and see if Father Alexander’s doctor has any updates. Okay?”

She uses the arm of my chair to help push herself back to a standing position, then turns to walk towards the door that leads back to the patient rooms.

“Alex,” I mutter.

“What was that?” She turns back around.

“His name is Alex. He doesn’t want to be a priest anymore.”

“I see. I’ll pass your message along to Alex’s doctor,” she emphasizes his name to reassure me that she understands. I look up and thank her before she walks away and disappears through the door.

Sinking back into the chair, I let out a shaky breath as I try to recollect what happened from the time we arrived at the hospital to where I’m sitting now. As hard as I try, I don’t remember being taken back into a room to be seen, to get X-rays done, or to get a cast put on.

Knowing that there was a window of time that I have no recollection of sends chills down my body. My shoulders quake as I try to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling, and then my eyes fall to the bag in the chair next to me.

My breathing turns heavy as I stare at the embroidery. It’s almost like I’m scared to touch it because it is affiliated with that awful place, but I find myself reaching to pick it up and placing it on my lap.

The long handles are draped over each other, so I pinch the thin straps between my fingers and slowly peel them apart as if I’m waiting for something to jump out of the bag and attack me.