Page 115 of Fearlessly Us

“Always,” she murmurs, one hand brushing back my hair, her mouth coming down on mine in a slow, deep kiss that feels like worship.

We move together, emotion and pleasure tangling inside me until I’m all sensation, unable to separate one from the other. And when I snake a hand between us to thumb at her clit, rocking up into her as she grinds down on me, I swallow Caitlin’s cries as we come together, the coil snapping as pleasure unfurls inside me. We’re all moans and panting breaths as we come for what feels like forever, damp bodies sliding together and my mouth pressing kisses to her heated skin.

And when we’re both wrung dry, she collapses against me, her head dropping to my shoulder and her arms tight around me as her heart thunders against my chest. I tip backwards, taking her with me until I’m lying down and she’s sprawled over me, head buried in my neck.

“Jesus,” she mumbles, pressing a kiss to my collarbone, making absolutely no effort to move. I’m still buried inside her, and I could stay right here, just like this, forever, and be perfectly content. “How does it get better every time?”

I run a hand over her damp hair and down her back, tracing my fingers up and down her spine in a rhythm that soothes us both. “Because we’re us. Perfect together and meant to be and written on the goddamn stars. It will always be better. Every time, baby.”

Caitlin lifts her head and studies me, and the heart rate that was just slowing down speeds right back up again when I get a glimpse of her flushed cheeks and tousled hair. She looks freshly fucked and beautiful. The most beautiful girl in the world.

“You know,” she muses, crossing her arms over my chest and propping her chin on her folded arms. “I kind of thought a professional athlete would have an adjustment period or something after retiring. At least a couple weeks where you sit on the couch in your underwear and stare at the TV and mourn the fact that your glory days are behind you. When you mentioned Disney World after your press conference, I knew it was a joke. We didn’t actually have to do it.”

Chuckling, I cup Caitlin’s face and lean up to kiss her, sighing into it, and with the soft sheets of our big hotel bed under me and her surrounding me, I’ve never been happier in my life. My final season in the NFL ended a couple of weeks ago in the Wild Card round of the playoffs. I caught a sixty-yard pass for a touchdown in the final seconds of the game, but it wasn’t enough. So it was with Tyler and Cam next to me and Caitlin and Avery in the stands with the rest of our family that I watched the clock wind down on my football career, feeling nothing but gratitude for everything the game has given me, and excitement and hope for everything waiting for me on the other side.

After the game, I got to hug my family and kiss my girl and laugh one last time over the fact that she still refused to put my name on her back, even for my very last game. Even without a win, it was perfect.

The Super Bowl was last week, and then, yesterday morning at the stadium, surrounded by everyone who matters to me, I gave the press conference officially announcing my retirement. Afterwards, I wandered out to the field with Caitlin next to me, wanting to touch the grass one final time. While we were standing there on the field where I played for more than a decade, Caitlin asked me what I was going to do next. Jokingly, I gave the canned post-game I’m going to Disney World catch phrase given by every Super Bowl MVP since Phil Simms in 1987, but it sounded so right that, four hours later, we were on a plane and spent last night at Epcot and most of today at Hollywood Studios having the time of our fucking lives.

It feels weird to say I feel like the kid I never really got to be, but that’s exactly how I do feel, running with Caitlin from ride to ride, eating ice cream shaped like Mickey Mouse, wearing mouse ears, and carrying around a pink princess bubble wand Caitlin bought for me after we survived Tower of Terror. It was all ridiculous and silly and the most fun I’ve ever had in my life.

Because of her.

Tipping my head up, I kiss her, smiling against her lips. “I don’t need any kind of adjustment period because nothing in the world has ever felt so right. I’ve felt finished with football for a while but just didn’t have the courage to take the final step away.” Running my thumbs over her jaw, I kiss her again. “Not until you. No part of me is sad to leave the game. All I am is excited about my future because I get to spend that future with you. You’re everything I want, Catie. Everything I need. I can’t wait for everything that’s to come, because we’re going to have that everything together.”

“And a newly minted eighteen-year-old in the guest room?” she says, voice full of humor. I smile, because that’s the other part of this new life of ours that’s been so special. The day after her eighteenth birthday in January, Avery showed up at my door with a couple suitcases, finally deciding to take me up on the offer to live with me for the final half of her senior year. Caitlin and Avery have gotten close, and more often than not I’ll find them curled up on the living room couch late into the night, plotting world domination or something. As for me, I have my two favorite people in the world living with me, and life has never felt so sweet. As a bonus, Avery decided to stay local for college instead of going away, so we have all the time in the world to keep getting to know each other.

“It’s a girl, I guess?” I say, my smile spreading into a grin, and Caitlin laughs, filling the room with happiness and light.

“She texted me earlier today. She’s having a taco night with Maya, Emmy, and Sarah, so looks like we’ve got a new member of the Smart Bitches too. It’s only a matter of time before someone adds her to the group chat, and I’m almost positive I heard her on the phone with my mom and my grandma the other day making plans for brunch and shopping.”

“Thank you for being so amazing to her,” I say, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear and drifting my fingers over her jaw. “I think she’s really happy, and a lot of that has to do with you.”

She shrugs like it’s no big deal. “That’s the way we roll. You know that. My grandma loves herself a new family member so she’s thrilled, and my mom told me she was so relieved Avery decided to stay in Pittsburgh for college because now she gets at least four more years with her. She’s theirs now too. All of ours.”

I lean up and press a kiss to her shoulder, a little overwhelmed the way I sometimes am when I think about how different my life looks now. How beautiful it is. “Sometimes I still can’t believe this is my life,” I say quietly. “That I get to have all this. Have you. A family. A future.” Now it’s my turn to shrug. “I just love you a whole fucking lot.”

Caitlin traces her fingers over the tattoo right over my heart, the one I got after we got back from Tampa the day my dad showed up at the stadium and Caitlin and her family and friends—my family and friends—showed up for me. It’s another Celtic symbol, this one the Serch Bythol, representing eternal and everlasting love. Curved over top of it is the word Catie in her handwriting. The second person to change my life inked permanently on my body. Her name on my heart forever, just the way it’s supposed to be.

When she looks back up at me, she’s smiling, eyes sparkling with fun. “Deep down you really are just one big smooshy sap, aren’t you?”

Laughing, I sit straight up with her in my arms, pressing a line of kisses up her neck and then blowing a raspberry that makes her giggle. Caitlin Parker giggles. For me. I didn’t know happiness this big existed in the world. “Deep down? Nah baby, my sappiness lives right on the surface. I’m going to be a sap for you way, way out loud.”

Her hands come to my face, keeping our eyes locked. “I love you,” she says softly. “And I’m so fucking proud of you.”

Tipping my forehead to hers, I close my eyes and breathe her in, feeling like the luckiest guy on earth. “I love you too. So much, Princess.” Leaning back, I smirk at her. “Will you still be proud of me when I’m hanging around the house all the time probably driving you out of your mind?”

She snorts. “That presupposes I’ll be hanging around the house. I have a job, pal of mine. A big important job that keeps me very, very busy. I don’t have time to be at your beck and call. Also, did you or did you not just accept a position at the Children’s Hospital’s foundation? Seems to me you’ll be pretty busy all on your own.”

I feel a little thrill at the thought of what I’m going to be doing with my time starting a couple months from now. While buying businesses has filled a void for me over the past decade, I don’t really want to work at any of them full time. As the season wound down and I was talking to Caitlin about what I was going to do next, I realized the hospital is really where my heart is.

Caitlin suggested reaching out to the foundation, which I did, and I’m going to be working with them pretty much full time in a volunteer capacity, acting as a liaison between their fundraising wing and families with kids in the hospital, helping the families access the various grants and services the foundation provides.

“Is it weird to be so excited about that?”

“It’s not,” she says, propping her elbows on my shoulders. “You should be excited about everything that comes next for you. You should love every single thing about your life from now on.”

I grin at her, tugging her into me, and when she tucks her head under my chin, warmth spreads in my chest because we fit together perfectly. “I do.” The words come easily because they are the absolute truth. “I do, because I get to do it all with you. I would say you’re my dream come true, but I don’t even think this is something I could have dreamed of. It’s beyond my wildest dreams, Catie. You are beyond my wildest dreams, and I can’t imagine any kind of life better than the one we get to have together.”