Page 18 of Fearlessly Us

Drew’s shoulders relax and he shakes his head, like he’s trying to reorder his thoughts. “Okay, so she’s not my sister by blood or anything, but she’s the closest thing I have to one. It’s kind of pathetic,” he mumbles.

Leaning forward, my elbows on my desk, I wait until his eyes meet mine again. “Do you want to tell me about her?”

He smiles a little, light flickering back into his eyes. “I’d like that.”

I nod and toss him another Snickers, giving him a chance to figure out how to start, and the gratitude in his eyes at being understood makes my heart thud.

“Her name is Avery,” he starts, his lips curving up in a smile when he says it. “Her mom was one of my dad’s girlfriends,” he adds a little bitterly, his smile vanishing. My fingers itch to grab a legal pad, but I understand what he needs right now is someone to listen, and for reasons I don’t totally understand, I want to give him what he needs.

“Her mom was as awful as my dad, but Avery wasn’t. She was three or four when I met her, and I had just started my senior year of high school. My house…” He pauses, swallowing hard. “My house wasn’t a happy place,” he says quietly. “Not after my mom died. The year Avery was there was the only year I didn’t hate. A senior in high school getting recruited to the best college football programs in the country shouldn’t want to hang out with a toddler, but I did. God, I did, and I loved it. I…” he starts but then cuts himself off, pressing his lips together like he’s trying to stop the words from coming out. “It doesn’t matter,” he says finally, and I get the feeling what he was about to say matters a whole lot, but I understand keeping some things close, so I just nod for him to continue.

“Right before I graduated, her mom left my dad and took Avery with her. I put Avery to bed one night like I always did, and the next morning I woke up and they were gone. There wasn’t a single trace of them except for a recipe for sourdough bread and the jar of sourdough starter that was once my mom’s that Avery’s mom found in the kitchen and brought back to life on one of her good days. She…made it sometimes. When she was in a good mood.” He shrugs, like he didn’t just offer me a giant piece of himself I’m one hundred percent sure he’s never given anyone else.

His sourdough hobby.

His mom’s starter. A recipe from a woman who gave him a sister to love. A good memory from a childhood I think didn’t see very many of them, nurtured for all these years. Honored.

I feel my walls lower, just a bit more.

Drew sighs heavily. “None of my dad’s girlfriends ever stayed. Most of them were awful, but some of them were nice to me. Made my house a little easier to live in for a while. My dad was…not a good man.” A kind of darkness flashes through Drew’s eyes, and I wonder exactly how not good his dad was and whether they’re still in touch and a million other things, but Drew doesn’t elaborate.

I don’t ask, but I’m starting to understand. Drew is a brilliant athlete, a millionaire playboy who can do anything and have anything in the world. But he’s also still a little boy who lost his mom too young and, it seems, lost his dad too. Women who were kind to him. A sister.

I have the sudden urge to hug the man and the little boy both, and that’s what snaps me right back into lawyer mode. Or, as close as I can get with Drew sitting across from me, studying me with those haunted eyes, like he’s trying to gauge my reaction.

“You’re here talking about your sister, so does that mean you’ve been in touch with her?”

Drew smiles a little. “I like hearing you call her my sister. No one ever has except for me.”

“Does anyone know about her?”

He shakes his head. “Just me.” His eyes bounce between mine. “And now you. I like that too. I think I like sharing secrets with you.” His lips curve up in a half smile that makes my stomach swoop.

“We’re not sharing secrets,” I say quickly. “I’m your lawyer. It’s my actual job to know things and your job to tell them to me.”

Drew shrugs. “Feels like sharing secrets to me.”

I shake my head. “It’s a lawyer-client relationship.”

“Catie, I’ll take any kind of relationship with you.”

I eye him, even as his words settle between us. “Aren’t you the allergic to relationships guy? The has a woman in every single city guy? The one night only, definitely won’t call in the morning guy?”

The look on Drew’s face turns serious. Considering. “I was,” he says quietly. “I really, really was. But I think maybe I would break all my rules for you.”

Oh god. I think I might be in a little bit of trouble.

“Weren’t you just about to tell me why you stood me up?” I ask, trying to stop the hearts and rainbows that seem to want to explode from my chest. I am not a hearts-and-rainbows kind of girl.

Drew’s jaw tightens, like being reminded of that night is painful and, well, same. “I was all dressed and ready. I couldn’t wait to pick you up. I…” He pauses, his eyes lifting to mine. “I had never been on a date before, and I really wanted you to be my first. But just as I was about to leave, there was a knock on my door.”

“Avery,” I say, the pieces fitting together, ignoring the little tidbit that he had never been on a date before because I don’t how to process that information.

Drew nods. “Her mom died back in January, and in a weird coincidence, her grandmother lives in Shadyside—not far from your office actually—so Avery came here to finish high school. I guess she found an old picture of us when she was going through some of her mom’s things and she tracked me down.” Drew looks down at his hands and then back up at me. “It was like every thought tipped straight out of my brain except for the fact that the toddler I once loved was standing on my front porch, lost and sad and looking for family. For…me,” he says slowly, like the idea that anyone could make an effort for him is surprising. “I’m so sorry. I know I said that already, but I really mean it. By the time I got my shit together, you’d already blocked my number and then you wouldn’t talk to me, and I could’ve told Jack or Cam or Oliver or one of your friends what happened so they could talk to you, but…”

“But you didn’t know how to tell them something without telling them everything,” I finish for him because this I understand better than he knows. Hiding big parts of yourself. Pretending you’re fine when you aren’t. That you aren’t messy and a little broken, covering it all up with competence and stellar problem-solving skills, as long as the problems are anyone’s but yours.

Or maybe that’s just me, but I don’t think so because when Drew smiles, it looks like relief. “Yeah,” he says with a sigh. “It’s stupid. Cam is my brother. Tyler too. But I couldn’t tell them about you without telling them about Avery, and Avery leads to my dad.” His eyes go dark again, and I have an overwhelming urge to hunt Drew’s dad down and kick his ass for whatever he did to put that look in Drew’s eyes. “Anyway, I could have done more and I didn’t, and I’m sorry for that.”