Page 52 of An Irish Hope

She shook her head.

“Why not? Anyone could tell that man was into you.”

“Apparently not enough.” She tried to laugh, but it sounded more like a sobbed hiccup.

“Oh, Ash.”

Rory hugged her, and Mam soothed her back. “Chin up. You’ll see. God has good plans for you. This will all work out.”

Oh, she hoped so. Because right now her faith felt so frail.

It was one thing to keep her chin up in public places. Another to do so in the dead of night, when nobody else could see. When it was just her and God, and she was alone with her thoughts while rejection beckoned and taunted, daring her to swim in its riptide of hopelessness.

She didn’t like to feel like she was a prisoner to her emotions, so she whispered God’s promises in the dark. It helped, a little bit. It was like her ears heard her words and paid attention more than if she’d just read it. And doing so, often, seemed to make God’s words stick in a way that girded her up in those moments of loss, when it seemed she was surrounded by those who were in their happy bubbles of loving coupledom.

Rory was back to video-calling Aidan every day, or near enough, as time zones allowed. Colin and Kara had dropped by after their honeymoon in Spain, taking them out for dinner as part of their thank you. But even though they’d taken her to O’Shea’s she couldn’t sing karaoke. She might be trusting God, she might have a smidge of hope that He could somehow work this out, but it didn’t mean she felt joy.

But, as she was learning, not feeling happiness didn’t negate God’s truth. God’s promises weren’t found in her circumstances or her emotions, but in His word. So she spent more time delving into the Bible and finding out what God said about her.

“Hey, Ash,” Colin said. “What’s been going on? You seem a little different lately.”

“How so?”

“I don’t know. Maybe a little more mature.”

Wow. It was good to know just what her siblings thought of her. She shrugged. “Apparently teachers are supposed to be mature, so I guess I figured it’s time to pull on my big girl pants and become so.”

“Hmm. It’s a good look on you.” He glanced at Kara. “Ash has always been the most emotional one of us Fairalls.”

Aisling sighed. Found a tight smile. “Well, I’m happy to pass that baton on to Fiona. Or is that pass it back to her?”

He grimaced. “She still hasn’t replied to my last text.”

“You shouldn’t be surprised. Remember, she’s in Dublin, and as we all know those who live there are far superior to us humble Kerrymen and women.” Rory rolled her eyes.

They’d come across a few of their countrymen from those parts who condescended not a little in that regard.

Aisling shrugged. “She wasn’t exactly her best self after the wedding. Remember? She and Declan seemed to have some falling out.”

“Didn’t they used to date a million years ago?” Colin asked.

“What? Why is this news to us?” Rory demanded.

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I just seem to remember something from ages ago.” He smirked. “I suppose you two being younger mightn’t have known.”

“Okay, now I definitely want to know what has gone on.”

He shook his head. “I don’t think you can press her and get any solid information.”

“And you definitely can’t from Declan,” Aisling said. “I’ve already tried.”

“In that case there is definitely something going on.”

“But she might be hurting,” Kara said softly. “And it might be more kind to let her tell you when she’s ready.”

“Oh, you’re too good for us,” Aisling teasingly complained.

“Right?” Colin kissed his new wife’s cheek. “She’s like an angel, sent from on high to remind me to live a better way.”