Page 21 of Keeper of All

This was why he didn’t do this. It hurt!

His vision blurred while powerful arms wrapped around him, and he found himself sitting in Mao’s lap, tugged tightly into his heavenly smelling chest. “Let it out, don’t hold on to the pain. It will fester inside you.”

Let it out. His laughter came out bitter and twisted. “If I let it out, I don’t know what I’ll become,” he cried, trembling at the very idea of what would happen. “What if I lose myself,” he whispered brokenly. It was his biggest fear. Conrad had come close to it when he allowed what was inside him to be free.

Mao squeezed him tighter as if frightened Ekon would evaporate. “I won’t let that happen. You and I are connected by blood. By fate. I swear we can figure this out together, just talk to me,” he begged.

The presence Ekon felt inside him now more than ever made him question his very existence when there was no record of him. He carried magic, powerful magic, yet it hadn’t saved the magic being. He’d watched and felt him disintegrate into dust that was part of Ekon now.

What did it all mean? If a keeper of all—whatever that actually meant—couldn’t stop his own demise, what use was magic when it didn’t alter the outcome?

Ekon had so much more to lose now and that scared him more than anything. More than what he would turn into if he unleashed what was inside him. Ekon dashed a hand over his eyes, sniffing, working to get himself back under control. Tears wouldn’t fix anything except give him a headache. “I don’t know what to say,” he confessed in a teary voice. “All my memories from my childhood are of pain and suffering. I don’t know exactly what is inside me, and that was before the magic being took up residence.” He used the courage he’d learned to be himself with his friends and peeked up at Mao, stealing a breath. “What if what I am is evil?”

“You’re not,” Mao stated adamantly, he easily handled Ekon to have him straddle his lap. A position his mate seemed to favor. “My panther knows a pure heart and despite what they did to you, they didn’t take the purity of your heart.”

Ekon wasn’t sure about that. He couldn’t even say where that question came from, it wasn’t what was in his head. It was what came out of his mouth, so it was buried in there somewhere. Was it even his question?

Ekon couldn’t be sure.

Slowly Ekon formed an opinion on the magic person over the weeks of scanning. They had known all about what was happening; they had to. Yet they’d done nothing. How could they stay quiet? The more files they’d scanned, the more Ekon couldn’t ignore the fact he could have evil magic inside him.

He had done evil deeds. Been trained to kill without emotion. To take life at the whim of others. “The magic user had all this information and did nothing to stop what was going on. Why do you think that is?”

Mao frowned, the lines around his mouth grim. “I don’t think it’s that simple, Ekon. Magic isn’t something I know a lot about, and I think guessing isn’t the right path to take.”

“The answers died with the fae, and I can’t commune with the dead.” Ekon pinched the bridge of his nose. “Or I don’t think I can.” It was all so fucking confusing. All these questions and not one damn answer.

Mao’s frown deepened. “I don’t suppose it would harm to try?”

Ekon would have laughed if he wasn’t so royally fucked right then. “I wouldn’t know where to start to do that?”

A silence followed, and Ekon picked up something that felt like excitement coming from Mao. “I might know where we can go for answers.” He wore a thoughtful expression.

Ekon’s pulse leaped when their gazes clashed. “Where?”

“My home. Paraguay.”

“But the files—”

Mao nodded. “Agreed we need to finish what we are doing first, then if we haven’t found the answers, we head to Paraguay.”

Ekon took a minute to think. Even if they found his file, it wouldn’t answer the magic question. Would it? It all happened after he was free of the assassin program. Did that mean they weren’t somehow connected?

Christ, his mind whirred with all the unanswered questions. “Okay. We’ll finish the scanning and then consider heading to Paraguay.” It was the best plan.

It’s the only plan.

At least we have one!

Chapter Twelve

Mao

The tension in the bunker was growing. It was the morning of their last day. Mao went over and picked up the very last armload of files—there was no way he wanted to cause his mate any pain. Going back to the table they were using, he stacked them on the corner, well away from Ekon, and opened the first one to the first page. It was a very thin file, so it wasn’t going to take long.

“This is the last lot,” Mao said. He wasn’t quite sure why he felt the need to break the silence, but Ekon needed to be warned.

The expression on his gorgeous mate’s face didn’t change. Ekon just nodded and started scanning. Page by page, file by file, Mao could feel his frustration grow, although he wasn’t sure if it was all his. Ekon had to be feeling something similar—he had to be.