Page 25 of Butch

Daddy was not going to have a conversation with her, knowing the doctor would say that during the appointment.

She looked over at Daddy, and he gave her a puzzled look as they sat at a red light.

“I don’t think I want to do this any longer. I want to hear, but I don’t want to feel overwhelmed. You said the clubhouse is loud, and I don’t think I’m going to be able to deal with that and not cry or not lose my sanity,” she explained. “I think we should just turn around and go back home so we can relax in your room.”

Sure, she was going to miss not being able to hear, but she didn’t know whether she could deal with all the noise there. Not that she could hear any of it right now, but Daddy had told her several times that all of them were loud.

Daddy grabbed her hand and gave it a little squeeze as he started to drive again. She was also going to have to get used to not being able to communicate in the car while Daddy drove. But it was going to beat being overwhelmed and mentally drained by a long shot.

It didn’t take them long to get into the parking lot, and Daddy was typing on his phone.

Everything is going to be okay. I’ve already got another place where we are going to stay while we go through the first couple of weeks with your cochlear implant. It’s quieter, and we won’t have to worry about people walking and talking. But we are going through with this. You have talked about wanting to hear again and the importance of your happiness leading up to today.

“’Cause I was forgetting about everything that came after. I haven’t been able to hear properly in over three years,” she pointed out. “I’m already an emotional wreck when I’m with you, and I feel like it’s going to get worse.”

I think you’re extremely anxious right now, and that’s okay. I don’t know what you’re going through, but I do know that we are going to get through this together. It’s you and me, and that’s never going to change. I need you to believe that.

“I still don’t think I need to do this. I mean, it’s been three years, and I’ve gotten used to it,” she whispered.

Daddy shook his head. No, we aren’t doing this. I know it’s going to be overwhelming. It’s a lot of new and unknown things, but we are going to get through it. Daddy just needs his Little Fairy to be brave for a little while longer, and then when we get home, Daddy can take over. What do you think?

“Not that I have much of a choice,” she mumbled. “We are already here, and I know you won’t be driving home.”

Daddy gave her a smile. Let’s go then.

Rae waited for Daddy to get out of the car and walk in her direction. She didn’t dare get out when she knew Daddy would scold her for not waiting for him. Raelynn had done that the other day, opening her own car door, and Daddy was not happy. Apparently, he wanted to spoil her rotten, and that meant opening her doors and helping her out of the car each time.

She couldn’t lie and say it didn’t make her get all fuzzy inside when he took care of her. She was his Little Fairy and had been for years. He used to do this all the time in high school, and she had forgotten what it was like.

Daddy helped her out of the car, and she gripped onto his hand as they walked toward the building. Maybe she should just run from here and try to make her way back to the clubhouse on her own. Daddy would be pissed off, but she didn’t know if she could do this.

It was scary.

Would she actually be able to hear again, or was this just going to get her hopes up?

Rae tugged at Daddy’s hand, trying to get out of it, but he held on tighter. Her eyes pleaded with him to let her go so she could leave, but he shook his head and picked her up.

“Daddy,” she whispered. “Everyone is going to be looking at us.”

But that didn’t seem to mind Daddy as he walked into the building, checked them in, and sat down in the waiting room. Her stomach was turning, anxiety running through her, telling her she needed to get out of the building and fast.

Rae scanned the room, seeing people of all ages sitting there, not minding them one bit. Sighing, she looked back at Daddy to see him smiling at her and already holding his phone out for her.

No one is going to bother us or make fun of you, I promise. You remember Dr. Peterson, Doc’s friend. He is very friendly to this lifestyle and makes sure that his office is a safe place for everyone who comes here. He wouldn’t allow any bullying to happen in his office.

“But still.” She looked down at her hands and began playing with them.

Daddy pulled her into his arms, gently patting her back as they sat and waited to be called in. Ever so slightly, her body started to relax. First, her shoulders dropped as she snuggled into Daddy, then her breathing became easier, and lastly her eyes started to droop as he continued.

Dr. Peterson smiled at her as he walked into the room. She forced a smile and gripped Daddy’s hand tighter. It was time. They were actually going to activate her cochlear implant, and Rae wasn’t even remotely ready for it to happen.

Hi, Rae. It’s nice to see you again. How has everything been? Dr. Peterson showed her his phone screen.

“Good,” she shyly said. “I’m a little nervous.”

That’s okay. Everyone is a little nervous when they come into the office for their activation. Some people even get nervous when they are just coming in for one of their mapping visits. But everything is going to be okay. We are going to get through this, and by the end of the appointment, you may be able to hear again.

And it slightly terrified her that she would be able to. It had been so many years, and part of her was slowly forgetting what things sounded like.