Page 140 of The Bratva King

My fingers rub together as the tingling at the base of my spine intensifies. I'm breathing too fast. My vision darkens at the edges.

“Let’s go for a walk,” Pasha says calmly, already out of his chair.

I hear him, but I can’t move. The buzzing in my ears gets louder. I want to move. Stand up. But this happens. Sometimes, I can’t.

Pasha grips my arm and pulls me from the chair. He walks me to the window, opens it, and stands beside me. “Focus on the tree, Nik. Count the leaves. See the trunk touching the rocks. Flat, tan rocks.”

My fingers are still rubbing together. Both hands now. Faster. I feel the heat generating.

I’m really trying. I see the rocks and force my brain to count them.

“Hot breeze,” Pasha says. “Gardener watering the plants. Smell the earth.”

We stand there for what feels like hours.

My shoulders relax. The buzzing fades. I inhale and exhale slowly.

“Everyone needs protecting.” Pasha puts a hand on my shoulder. “Even you. Especially when you’re falling in love.”

I open my mouth to argue, but he walks away.

I stand there, counting the rocks. Focusing on tangible things.

Falling in love. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to feel that.

But I do know that losing her is not an option.

It’s well after one in the morning when I finally emerge from my office. I’ve been thinking about Gabby for hours. I need answers. And I need them now.

I walk down the hallway toward her room.

Her door is open a few inches. She leaves it that way, so she can hear Luke. I push it wider and stop in the doorway, watching her sleep.

“Nikolai!” She jolts upright and reaches for the lamp. “What are you doing? You scared the hell out of me!”

“We need to talk.”

She stares at me. “What time is it?”

“Almost two.”

“We’ll talk in the morning,” she says.

“I don’t know what I did wrong.”

She sighs. “Nik, it’s late. I don’t want to do this right now. Tomorrow.”

“Why don’t you trust me?”

She blinks and rubs her face. “What?”

“I tell you I’m handling the situation. I tell you Luke is safe. You’re both safe. But you don’t believe me.” I move closer. “Why?”

“This isn’t about trust.”

“It’s exactly about trust.” I’m standing over her now. “I’ve done everything I know how to do. Tell me.”

“Nik, not now. Go to bed.”