Page 146 of The Bratva King

I don’t know if I’m good. I’ve put men in the ground and made choices that kept me alive at someone else’s expense. Good is not a word I use for myself.

Gabby says it like she means it.

“I’m not,” I say.

“You are.” She says it again, and I believe she means it.

I don’t know how to respond.

She exhales, a slow release of breath that makes me tense.

“Thank you,” she says. “For the room. For everything. You have no idea what this will mean to him.”

She steps forward and puts her hand on my chest. I reach up and wrap my fingers around her wrist. Her lips brush mine. I kiss her, giving her the apology I don’t know how to verbalize. I know she thinks I was wrong. I still don’t understand how keeping her safe became something I need to apologize for, but I trust Pasha. He knows these things.

Her other hand slides up my arm to the back of my neck. I release her wrist and pull her against me. Then I feel dampness on my cheek.

I pull back and see tears. I want to kiss them away. Her fingers brush my lips, a soft smile curving hers.

Then she walks out.

I stand alone in my office, staring at the door she closed behind her.

She called me a good man and then walked away.

I have never been so confused. I’ve sat across from men who would kill me the second I turned my back, and I’ve read every one of them.

I can’t decipher Gabby.

This woman undoes me, and I can’t figure out how to stop it.

I don’t want to.

35

Gabby

I spend the rest of the morning watching Luke play in his new room.

He doesn’t know it’s goodbye.

He’s in the sensory swing, moving slowly and steadily, with a dinosaur book open across his lap. He’s not even looking at it; he just needs it nearby. The room smells like mint and eucalyptus, which I found the source of. A diffuser in the corner. The T. rex on the wall watches over everything with small, useless arms and an enormous, devastating jaw.

The room is painted in blues and greens, with new carpeting underfoot. I didn’t know Nikolai was doing all of this.

If he was cruel, this would be easy. If he raised his voice at Luke or made us feel unwanted, I could leave without looking back.

I head upstairs. Luke is with Kylie, and I have an hour, at most.

I thought I could walk away without a word, but I can’t. I sit down at the desk in my room and write a note. I know he doesn’t care for words, so I keep it short.

Nikolai,

You are a good man. What you’ve done for my son is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for either of us. That’s who you are.

There are things I should have told you, but I can’t. Just know that leaving you is the hardest thing I have ever done.

You are loved.