Page 60 of The Big Fix

For the horrible state he was in, and where we were, what was amazing was that he seemed to be in very good spirits.

“What?” he asked. “You look like you have a question.”

“No,” I said, hesitated, then repeated more firmly, “No.”

“I don’t want us to fight anymore.”

“Sorry?”

He exhaled sharply. “It’s not fixing anything, me being mad at you. So I’m going to do something else from now on.”

I crossed my arms and stared at him.

He sputtered out a laugh, and I scowled back.

“What?” I snapped at him.

“I know, I know,” he placated me. “I’ve been an ass, but you’ve been an idiot, so I think we’re even.”

“An idiot?”

“Yes.” He reached out and slid his hand around my forearm, both of which were still crossed over my chest. “But some of that’s on me. You can’t be expected to figure out things for yourself. It’s not like you’ve ever been accused of being terribly observant.”

“Pardon me?”

“I mean, typically I have to tell you what’s going on so you know, but I didn’t with this, so you’ve been stumbling around in the dark.”

“What?”

He laughed at me.

Under normal circumstances, I would give him hell, but seeing him smile and laugh was like a drug. I was crazy addicted to his happiness, especially when directed at me, or even better, because of me, and I’d missed him terribly, even before he left for Thailand. I ached for his company and—

Oh shit.

I got up fast, walked a few feet away, then spun around to stare at him. I had to look ridiculous with my mouth hanging open in utter shock.

He grinned then, and waggled an eyebrow. “Close your mouth, honey. You’re gonna catch flies, and believe me, there are more than a couple in here.”

I snapped my mouth shut but couldn’t stop staring. He knew I was crazy about him. He already knew.

“You missed me,” he said hoarsely.

I nodded.

“Yes, well, I miss you whenever I leave the house, but you make me so insane that it’s hard to be there.”

I had nothing to say. I was just drinking in the sight of him. Because even thinner, bruised, and beaten, he was luminous. His shoulders were broad, his chest wide, his legs long, and his waist narrow. He was built like a swimmer, and the lines of him were beautiful.

“I know you want me, Jared. I’d have to be blind not to see the way you look at me. And I kept thinking, he’ll say something, he’ll tell me,” he murmured, smiling slowly. “He won’t keep it a secret forever.”

I was utterly stunned. I always thought if he knew how I saw him, what I wanted, he’d be horrified. I never thought to check.

“I like it when I catch you staring at me and I can see the interest in your face, the heat in your eyes.”

Anything I said at the moment would be wrong, so I kept my mouth shut.

“I know you want me, but at those times, your go-to response is to run. Why? Wouldn’t it be better, for both of us, if you just walked over and kissed me instead?”