Page 91 of Floodgates

“If it’s so fine, why won’t you let me touch you?”

“For what reason?”

“For Christ’s sake, Tracy, I love you.”

But he didn’t. “Just let it go.”

“Let it go?”

I nodded.

He was quiet a second and then a look crossed his face, like he’d had an epiphany. “You want Cord.”

“Yeah,” I admitted. “I do.”

“Since when?”

“Since forever, like I told you earlier, it’s just—”

“You would have let it go and never acted on it if I had stayed loyal.”

“Which,” I said, “if you think about it, is kind of shitty.”

“How so?”

“I would have always wondered what could have been if I’d just had the balls to start something with him. But he was never ready, and then there was you.”

“So now he’s finally a grown-up, and you’re free because of my infidelity.”

“Yes,” I said flatly.

“Tracy, I—”

“And anyway, I’d forgotten things about Cord.”

“Like what?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Like, what did you forget?” He sounded exasperated.

I sighed deeply. “I forgot that he makes me feel safe.”

“And I don’t?”

Once upon a time he had. “You used to, but Cord never stopped.”

He inhaled sharply. “I don’t want this to be our end. Do you understand?”

“I do. Of course I do,” I replied gently. “But it already is. Was.”

His eyes darkened as he looked at me. “I think we can fix this if you’ll just allow us to take the first steps.”

“You said earlier you were done talking. I think that’s for the best.”

“Tracy,” he began.

“I’m so sick of all of this, of you and me,” I confessed tiredly. “You have to be too.”