Page 48 of The Allure of Ruins

“See? There you go. I may be straight, but as many times as I think about—” He stopped.

“As many times as you think about what?”

“No. It’s not nice.”

“Let me be the judge.”

He took a breath. “I want to hold you down, and I worry that would scare you.”

“I want to be held down—by you,” I added, “since we’re being honest. But I worry how I’ll react.”

“You’re saying you want that, with me, but you’re scared.”

“Yes. I know how you are when people say you’re too rough in any way. I can’t have you leave me if I’m not ready.”

“And for me, because it’s you, and I know how I’ve been with you for the last five years, and how you’ve been with me, I feel like this, now, if you get scared, I would wait until you’re not.”

“Yes, but what if I’m never not scared?”

“But you’ve never been scared of me.”

“Because there was nothing romantic between us.”

He squinted at me. “Hasn’t there been?”

It was a lot of honesty. “I think we’re both tired,” I replied before my brain exploded.

“Okay,” he said, sounding defeated.

I had to know. “But can I sleep in here with you?” I asked, my heart in my throat, wanting to lie down next to him and at the same time being terrified of how I would react.

“Would you, please?” he rasped.

Moving quickly, I walked over to the opposite side of the bed, let the blanket drop to the floor, and then took off the sweater.

“Is that mine?” he groused at me. “I’ve been looking for that.”

I chuckled. I couldn’t help it.

He turned off the light, and I got into bed, under the covers, as he rolled onto his left side, facing away from me.

“What’re you doing?”

“I think maybe if you hold me, instead of me holding you, that might be better. Then the choices are yours, and it’s about exactly what you want.”

After a moment, I agreed.

“Do you want me to put something on?”

“No,” I whispered. “Do you want me to take something off?”

“Yeah. Can you take off your shirt?”

“I can.”

“Okay. Because if your skin feels…not right on mine, then I’ll know what we’re gonna be, and we can go from there.”

It made sense.