Page 193 of A Matter of Time

He nodded and took a breath. “I just—the thing is, if what I do in my bed is something he cares that much about, I don’t know what I can do. Would I throw away our history if the roles were reversed?” He thought a moment. “I don’t think so. I would hope not, but who knows? I’m not gonna sit here and pass judgment on him, be a hypocrite, because it’s something I might or might not have done. I’m just gonna let him go.”

“Maggie must’ve called him, like, seconds after you left her.”

“Probably.”

“You’re not mad at her?”

“What’s to be mad about? I made my decision. The truth was coming out.”

“And tomorrow? What happens when Dominic tells everybody about us?”

He leaned back and looked at me like I was nuts. “Are you kidding? He’s not gonna tell anybody. He’s just gonna let me request a partner change and leave it at that. Me being bisexual isn’t as bad as him not knowing and being my partner all this time. It’s gonna stay quiet until I say something. He would never out me. People would think he didn’t speak up before because he’s the same way.”

My relief made me shiver. “This is all so—why does he care? Why does anybody?”

“Way of the world.”

“And what will you tell your captain? Why will you say you need a change?”

“J,” he said, cupping my face in his hands, smiling at me, “I hafta tell my captain that Dom doesn’t want to work with me anymore because my partner is a man.”

“No. Why would you put yourself⁠—”

“Because I do. And we’ll see what happens after that. For right now, though, I just wanna be here with you and not worry about it.”

I nodded.

“Can I sit with you?”

I lost it. The tears came in a flood.

“Oh, baby.” His voice was like honey as he lifted me up and then settled me so I was leaning against his chest. He draped an arm over my shoulder, gently rubbing circles over my abdomen. The other hand stroked through my hair, petting me, both movements meant to calm and soothe me. “Don’t cry, everything’s gonna be okay.”

“You should be losing your mind.”

“I did that already. Didn’t you hear me tell Dom?”

I took a breath. “You tried really hard to forget me.”

“No,” he corrected me, leaning my head back, his hand in my hair. “I could never do that. I wouldn’t want to. That was the point. You’re it for me. The one. It can’t be changed.”

“I want to know what you were doing while we were apart,” I begged him.

“What were you doing?”

“Being miserable.”

“Same for me,” he said, kissing my head. “I was walking through my life on autopilot. Nothing felt real but the job, so I buried myself in that and did the minimum everywhere else.”

“You should have just come to see me.” I tried to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

“I’m not that brave. I had no idea if you wanted me anymore.”

“Sam Kage, you should always know how I feel!” I yelled at him, the months of missing him coming out in how loud I was and how hard I was crying. I was furious with him.

He reached behind him and grabbed me a box of tissues that I made quick work of, blowing my nose and wiping my eyes before tossing them away.

“Did you just throw balls of snot onto my coffee table?” He sounded horrified.