Page 49 of Crusher

Do I feel bad for hitting Hayes and kneeing him? No, I don’t, he deserved it. I may have felt a little bit bad when I saw him icing them while he was on the phone with Trick, worried I may have busted one, which I didn’t, he was just being dramatic.

Maybe he should try pushing a baby out on his own.

“Better after icing them,” he admits as he places his chin on my shoulder and cautiously wraps his arms around my waist and even though I should pull away. Even as the picture of him in pleasure hits my eyes yet again whenever I think about even discussing our future let alone him being near or touching me. Instead, I gently lean against him causing his arm to tighten around my waist and we watch our son.

God, it is still so weird that Kayden has met his dad, that he was shot… It just all feels surreal, like it’s a nightmare I just can’t seem to wake up from.

“He’s worried you’ll be mad at him,” Hayes says after a few minutes of silence.

“I could never be mad at him for wanting his parents together,” I admit and it’s the truth, we just have to help him understand not all parents belong together, that they can still be in love but not have that kind of future. Not that I will tell Hayes that part, because the man is on a mission to win me back. I just don’t know how I can move forward right now when my whole life is up in flames. I mean dammit, he’s canceled my college class that will get me jobs that could have our son living comfortably. I worked my butt off and nearly finished my degree, only one subject holding me back.

He hums. “That’s because you are a really good fucking mama,” he whispers, but I don’t say anything in return as I swallow my scoff.

Right now, I don’t feel like a good mom. I know everything I have done has been for Kayden, but taking him back to Rose Hill was a mistake. I can see that, especially with how content he seems to be here, in my favorite place on earth.

I traumatized him because I was selfish and couldn’t be here, and even now, I feel like I’m suffocating.

“Admit it, you're both more relaxed here,” Hayes murmurs, but I don’t nod. Instead, I remind him, “You hurt me and being here hurts me, but Kayden is content, and he is all I care about right now, his feelings, and his safety.”

Hayes sighs, “I know I hurt you, but haven’t I suffered enough? I still love you, Alexiana. You’re still my wife, my old lady. Your cut is hanging in our closet, you never gave it back, you took it with you, and that has to mean something.”

“I didn’t give it back because it’s a part of our history, part of me finally allowing someone in and reminding me how much it hurts when they destroy you and Hayes, sometimes love isn’t enough,” I whisper.

“I know it isn’t, but it’s a start, isn’t it?” he replies, “It means we can rebuild the trust, to find us again,” he sighs, “Fight for me, baby, like I fight for you every single day, please…”

“How can I fight for you when I don’t know if I want to?” I ask, “I’m not trying to be mean, Hayes, I’ve gone eight years building a life on my own, figuring out who I am.”

He cuts me off, “But you haven’t been happy,” and I flinch before I get out of his hold and walk out of my son's room. I head to the guest room, not wanting to hear the reality because I know I haven’t been happy, I know I have hated life and that Kayden is the only reason why I get up in the mornings.

“Freckles, walking away isn’t going to stop me from telling you the truth,” he snaps before he grips my arm and then drags me to the master bedroom as he growls, “And like fuck are you staying in the fucking guest room,” and I gasp as he shoves me into the room I used to stay in before I glare at him.

“Don’t make me knee you again, Hayes!” I threaten, and he growls as he stalks my way, but I hold my ground, even as he wraps his hand around my throat. I don’t move.

I trust Hayes with my life, I just don’t trust him with my heart.

“I’d like to see you fucking try, baby girl, because as soon as your knee lifts up, I’ll have you on that bed and handcuffed before you can say fucking ‘boo’!” he sneers as he tightens his hold on my neck. He snaps, “I have spent eight fucking years trying to find you. Eight years missing you like crazy, only to find you three fucking hours away, with my son no less. You were living a life you didn’t even fucking like with debts as long as your fucking arm. I’m not letting you go again, and if I have to handcuff you until you realize it, then so fucking be it!”

That said, he slams his lips against mine while keeping hold of my neck, and do I shove him away and knee him again?

Nope, I freaking melt.

My hands find their way to his shirt, and he groans into my mouth as I fist the material before he lets go of my neck. Bending slightly, he grabs my ass before lifting me up.

I wrap my legs around his waist and kiss him back harder, my mouth instantly opening for his as he licks the seam of my lips and I grip his hair.

My body heats up as his tongue tangles with mine, and he lays us on the bed before he breaks the kiss and moves down my body. He makes sure to run his lips over my skin so I can feel his lip ring.

“You can hate this in the morning, you can hate this every fucking day until you are blue in the face, but I won’t lose you, I fucking refuse,” he rasps with so much emotion I feel like I can’t breathe before he grips my leggings and panties, then yanks them down my legs.

Before I can even open my mouth to tell him that too much hurt is between us, he spreads my legs, then dives in, sucking my clit into his mouth without pausing. All I can do is gasp and arch my back in shock and pleasure.

He groans gripping my thighs, then eats me like he’s been starved, and I squeeze my eyes tight as my breathing gets heavy.

I shouldn’t be letting this happen. I should be shoving him away, not letting him thrusts two fingers inside me. He curls them forward and thrusts hard and quick while sucking my clit in pulses. All rational thoughts leave me, and I allow myself to be moved into that pleasurable bliss I have missed for eight years. My fingers could never do the job, and I could never afford any toys…

My stomach tightens, and I bite my lip hard to stop myself from screaming as my orgasm takes over quickly. My breathing becomes choppy while Hayes licks up my release, groaning in pleasure.

Holy shit.