Page 53 of Crusher

I tap my finger on the dining table as I read off the laptop Hayes gave me yesterday, and I jiggle my leg.

“Okay, so to teach kids how to do basic ice skating, I need a background check, obviously, a good grasp of skating, which I have, register for the learn to skate, and an instructor certificate, but how do I get the certificate?” I mutter before I go down the rabbit hole of the internet.

“Oh, okay, so I’ve just got to do a course in level two…” I mumble, but I wince at the estimated price.

Shit, I can’t afford that.

I groan just as my phone rings and I move my hand around and grab it without taking my eyes off the screen before I answer, “Hello?”

“Hey girlie, I’m just checking in to see how you’re doing with Kayden in school?” Kodi replies, and I sigh as I lean back in my seat.

“Okay, I guess,” I murmur, “I mean, it helps that Tray volunteered to stay with him for the next month, but my anxiety is still high.”

“That is understandable,” she says, “but you know Crusher wouldn’t allow him in school if he thought he was in danger, right?”

I hum and agree, “I know,” then admit, “it’s just my mom worries after seeing him being carried out by his own father, covered in blood.”

“But you know you have all of us, you have Crusher, so lean on him,” she sneakily says, and I roll my eyes.

“Real subtle, friend,” I mutter, and she giggles. I admit, “I don’t want to lean on him because I’m still feel like that teen who got her heart broken, but then I also know I have never managed to even get over him. Every time I thought about trying to date, my skin began to crawl, so basically, my head is a mess and him refusing for me to stay in the guest room isn’t helping.”

“Okay, I know it’s going to sound like I’m on his side, but I’m not. I’ve already threatened him if he ever hurts you again, but why not try again? It has been eight years, and he’s not that stupid emotional boy that he was back then whose father broke him. He’s learnt from his mistakes, heck, he’s even been punished by them, he’s lost years without you, he’s lost seeing his son grow in your stomach and watch him be born and grow into the amazing little boy he is and we both know you have only been living for Kayden, why not live for you now?” she says softly and I swallow hard.

“But what if he does hurt me again?” I ask, my true fear coming out, “What if I lean on him and he throws it back in my face by doing what he did?”

What if I turn into my mother?

“Then I’ll help you bury his body,” she automatically replies, and I laugh, “You’re an ex-cop, you can’t say that kind of stuff.”

“I can and I will, you’re my friend, and I can guarantee, Clark and Drew, will be standing right beside us.” She replies, and I laugh again.

It’s good to have great friends in your corner, and her advice helps, but my ego is being a bitch.

Shaking my head, my eyes go to the screen, and I sigh, seeing the price hasn’t changed.

Maybe it’s best if I go back to accounting.

“Talk to me, what’s going on?” she asks, and I scrunch my nose up.

I admit, “I’ve been looking into teaching ice skating but…”

“Is it hard?” she asks when my words trail off, and I hum.

“Technically, no, not really, you just need to ensure you can skate and actually do the moves. It’s the money side of things that is setting me back and no, don’t bring up Hayes in this either because I can’t rely on him financially, I just can’t.” I answer while running a hand through my hair that is wild today, the curls all over the place.

“How much is it?” she asks cautiously, and I wince.

“By the time I do the whole thing, it could round up to over twelve thousand dollars, and I don’t have that. Heck, I don’t even have a quarter of that even after Hayes paid off all my debts behind my back,” I grumble, and Kodi sucks in a breath because yeah, I know.

“But skating is your dream, right?” she confirms softly, and I hum again.

“It is, but it isn’t practical financially,” I reply, “maybe I need to look at the local community college to complete my accounting, I only need three more credits…”

“No, I’m sorry, but no, some people who are amazing at numbers like Blair should be accountants. You? Hell no, heck, you’re lucky you even managed to get valedictorian because of how much you had to study for math,” Kodi says, and I wince.

The three credits are in math, but I keep failing the tests because, well, math isn’t my kind of thing, whereas it is Blair's.

“How is Blair?” I ask, hoping to change the subject, and Kodi snorts.