Page 57 of Crusher

“Holding a grudge will eat you alive,” she chokes, not even defending herself.

“I don’t hold a grudge, now, big brother, there does, and I don’t really blame him, but me, I don’t, I just have other priorities right now, Mom,” I say as I stand, and Blaze follows suit, calling me a “fucker” beneath his breath, making me snort, and I walk away from my parents.

I don’t hate them, I don’t, it’s just like what I said to my mom, I have other priorities.

***

“Alex, tell your husband that he couldn’t beat me in the ring,” Blaze states five minutes later as we walk into the house. Alex looks up from her seat on the couch, and I take a seat beside her, my arm automatically going over her shoulders, and she leans into me, making me relax, and I close my eyes as she replies, “You already know he can’t, you need to let this notion go…”

Blaze groans while I smile slightly before looking at my wife as I gently tuck her unruly hair behind her ear.

“How long have you known a brother was a traitor?” I ask while Blaze sits quietly.

She winces, “Crap, I knew there was something I was forgetting,” before she admits, “Since I was like ten, way before we got together. I actually walked in on the man thrusting into my father’s ass. It was fucking sick, and then I’d hear all about your runs, the routes you’d take, and the pickup code words, which I’m guessing was something to do with trafficking kids. I didn’t know he was still a part of your club until today.”

I nod and murmur, “You should have told me.”

“I should have,” she agrees.

Angel jumps on her lap, and I scowl at the animal before glaring at Blaze, who is looking at the ceiling like it’s the most interesting thing going, causing my girl to giggle.

“You can’t kill me if she giggles like that!” he states, and I roll my eyes before looking at my wife, who has the biggest grin on her face, and I can’t help but smile in return.

“Do you love me?” I ask, and she tilts her head.

“You know I do,” she replies, and I eye my hoodie on her and nod.

“Then trust, it’ll come back, you just have to let yourself fall so I can catch you,” I say, and Blaze hums in agreement, and my wife sighs.

“I’ve paid for the classes,” she admits quietly while stroking the dog, and I smile.

“It’s a really good fucking start,” I murmur before kissing her head, and I feel her lean onto me just as I hear Blaze mumble, “Yeah, you two are going to be good…”

And I really fucking hope he is right because I can’t live without this girl.

Chapter 26

Alexiana – Two Days Later

I gently glide backwards on the ice, keeping my eyes closed, and a small smile stretches my lips, a feeling of contentment filling me.

The ice, I feel like it’s one with me when I’m on it. It is like I can understand it and I know that sounds weird, but growing up, it was the only thing that would make me feel whole again. Until Hayes, when I brought him to the rink, I was showing him my world, I was showing him that I trusted him. Him breaking my heart, it was hard. Right now, I’m struggling because I allowed him to pay for my class, I gave in despite my pride and I’m struggling with it.

He loves me, I know he does, and I also know Roxy will never be a problem again, but can I trust him with my heart again?

Would he cheat again?

I’m sleeping with him at night, both physically and emotionally. I’m allowing him to hold me and dig his way back under my skin. I’m allowing him to treat us like a family, but can I allow him back into my heart again?

Can I act like his wife again?

I sigh as I skate backwards faster, then jump and spin in the air, crossing my feet and crossing my arms over my chest before landing on one leg, my arms stretched out on either side of me, then skate backwards again, before repeating the spin, feeling like I can finally breathe as I go.

I guess the question is, do I want to be his wife again and not turn into my mom?

My heart is screaming yes while my head is telling me to move with caution.

I’ve gone eight years without him, and not a day has gone by that he wasn’t on my mind. I’d second guessed myself and I think lately, allowing him into my bed, into my body, trusting him with our son. I’ve been slowly learning to trust him again but for us to work, I need to open myself fully to him again and I can admit, I’m scared, I really am.