Page 61 of Crusher

Her laughter escapes as she bends, holding onto her stomach, and my lips twitch.

“Freckles?” Hayes chokes, and I blink, then blink again as some tears fall, making him flinch.

“No, you can’t go in there, she's sleeping!” I hear Mama shout, and I suck in a breath and quickly move as her cry echoes along with a slap.

I hide under the bed, right at the back, so he can’t reach me before moving all the blankets in front of me. My heart pounds as Mama cries, “She’s your daughter, she's six, you can’t sell her!”

“I need the fucking leverage with my group!” I hear my father snap, and I suck in a breath before holding it as my door slams open and I jump, just swallowing my scream.

“Where the fuck is she?!” he screams, and I flinch as Mama pleads, “I don’t know, please…”

“Freckles?” Hayes says more firmly as he cups my jaw and gets me to look his way.

“I'm an orphan?” I confirm, and he flinches but nods, and sobs instantly wreck me. I shake as they tear from my throat, and Hayes curses as he quickly climbs onto the bed and holds me close.

I grip his cut and cry my heart out, and confusion hits me.

“W-Why am I so, up-upset, she-she was hardly there?” I cry, and Knuckles quickly sits on the bed and grabs my calf.

“I know,” he says softly, “you’re confused because you’re upset, because you’re mourning your mama, I get it more than most, which is why I’m in here,” and I sob louder, causing him to hold my calf tighter while my head throbs.

“You know my mom was a club bunny?” he confirms, and I nod as my tears fall, “Well, she abused me my whole life, claiming I ruined her, but when she was finally kicked out, she wanted a relationship with me. The one time she defends me, she gets killed and I was so confused because I mourned, but what I’ve come to learn, is that she was my mother, and she loved me in her own way…”

“She was trying to sell me,” I choke, causing both men to tense, “She-she wanted Kay-Kayden. I-I shouldn’t feel upset.”

Hayes presses his lips against my head while Knuckles squeezes my calf, and I sob for the loss I hate that I feel. I shouldn’t feel upset. Why do I feel so upset?

“She tried to save you, she tried make it right, but I am telling you, darling, you are allowed to feel the loss. Don’t feel guilty for feeling it because that guilt will eat you alive. I should know because it’s how I’ve felt,” Knuckles whispers and I squeeze Hayes tighter to me and sob my heart out, not able to keep the tears in, so much sorrow filling me.

Sorrow that she lost her life trying to rectify the havoc that she helped cause. Sorrow that I never got the woman who would sing to me before bed after I turned seven. Sorrow for the life she never got to have because she loved the wrong man.

I sob until I can’t breathe, I sob until everything goes black, and I welcome it, my mama’s, “I’m sorry sweetheart,” echoing in my head.

Chapter 29

Crusher – Ten Days Later

I gently suck my lip ring into my mouth as I watch my girl sprinkle her mom’s ashes at the edge of the ocean. She watches as they float into the wind and Kayden squeezes my hand tightly, trying to give his mama a chance to say goodbye to a woman she loved and hated in the same breath, before he runs over to her.

The gathering was small, only Drew, Clark, and Kodi were allowed to come with their old men, pissing off every other brother, who thankfully understood. Obviously, Blaze was standing right beside my wife along with me as we watched the wicker coffin go into the burner. She didn’t cry, she held strong while my mom watched Kayden.

“When does she start her course?” Blaze asks quietly as Alexiana lifts her head, and I tense, seeing the tears streaming down her face.

“Four days,” I mutter.

“And is she sleeping?” he asks, and I shake my head.

“No, she’s struggling,” I admit, “When I’m on shift, Knuckles will stay with her because he knows how she feels, but otherwise I’ve just held her.”

“I can’t believe your work wouldn’t allow you to have time off,” he grunts, and I hum.

“I tried, but because I had already had time off, they forced me to do the shifts. I’m just glad they knocked off the last two graveyard shifts,” I mutter, and Kayden adds, “Only because you threatened to quit, Daddy,” and Blaze looks at me in shock, but I just shrug.

“They weren’t going to let me off for the funeral, and made a point. Funerals should off, mandatory. But because Lola got fired, Allens was sore,” I admit before looking at my son, then raising a brow at Blaze, and he mutters, “Ah, gotcha…”

Lola sucked him off on the regular to get on my shifts, and now he’s not getting head at work or at home with his actual wife. I told him I’d let the cat out of the bag if he ever fucked up my shifts again out of petty revenge before slicing his throat, and the man has decided to listen to my schedule preferences this week.

Good choice on his end, really.