Page 54 of Healed

Really laughed.

“How is that funny?”

“You think you don’t have strength?”

“I know I don’t. You have strength. You walk into a room and command everyone’s attention. I know because I used to do the same. I recognise that quality because it’s the same one I used to wear as my daily armour against all the bastards my dad commanded. But now? Now I hide in the corner and pray no one notices me. I choose silence.”

“I walk into a room and command attention because I’m a fucking bitch,” Rachel shrugged, taking another drink.

I looked at her in shock.

“What?” she laughed. “I know what I am. I come out fighting because I would rather everyone fear me than ever give me the opportunity to fear them. You see me yelling, fighting, standing up for myself… but that’s not strength, Gabby. That’s me being afraid.”

I scoffed and snatched the bottle.

“Sure it is,” I said, taking a massive swig, no longer noticing the burn.

“Believe what you want. You’re mistaking strength for suppression. It’s not strong to keep everyone at arm’s length your entire life. It’s not strong to immediately go on the defence. And it’s not strong to argue with everyone the second you meet them. Those are not qualities I’d associate with strength. But I do those things because I am suppressing my fears. I am fighting because I’m scared if I don’t, then I will lose everything.”

“Please,” I muttered, rolling my eyes. “Dante would never let you go. And with him by your side, you’re losing nothing.”

“Also true,” she smiled. “But that doesn’t change the habit of a lifetime, does it? The truth doesn’t always beat the insecurities up here,” she said, tapping her temples. “You forget, it’s only really been around a year that me and Dante have been settled. This club moves on quickly, and they accepted me once they knew I was permanent. But there was a time that wasn’t the case.”

“But while you’re arguing, whilst you’re fighting, you’re feeling something,” I sighed. “Unlike me, who can’t feel a thing.”

“Really? Because I saw the way you and Vienna looked at each other this morning. It damn sure looked like you were feeling something then.”

My cheeks flamed.

“You’re numb, Gabby. Not defeated.”

And then, without warning, she reached over the table and snatched my wrist.

“See this?” she asked, gently rubbing her thumb over the scars there. “That’s strength, Gabriella. You’ve lived with unimaginable pain, and you’re wearing your scars as a sign of survival. Look,” she said, shrugging one arm out of her Sin cut and showing me the vertical scar up her arm. “I know your pain because I lived the same life as you. No matter how you’re processing it, whether you’re fiery, silent, loud, or withdrawn, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re surviving the only way you know how. Life has no guidebook. No rules. Every day you wake up and choose to continue, despite the pain ripping you apart, makes you a goddamn warrior. Don’t ever let anyone tell you differently. Silence isn’t weakness, just like loudness isn’t strength. Our strength is here,” she said, stroking my scars again. “And here.”

She reached over and tapped my temples.

“And here,” she said finally, tapping my chest, mimicking my heartbeat. “And I assure you, when the numbness has gone, and the pain kicks back in, and the little girl inside you starts speaking again, demanding justice, you’ll find your fight. Whatever form that takes, whether it be fiery, silent and calculating, or even bitter and spiteful, I’ll be there to help you. I promise.”

She reached over and held my hand, and I looked at her and smiled.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” she winked.

And then she grabbed the bottle and poured us a shot each.

“Right. Get this down you. Because if I know those men, they’re gonna come out of that meeting wanting a drink. And I’m in my spiteful era. Let’s have this place dry before they arrive. Cheers.”

I clinked my glass against hers, laughing freely for the first time since I’d arrived.

Chapter 15

Vienna

The meeting wrapped up pretty quickly after that. We were all pretty united on what needed to happen, and once the plan was in place, there wasn’t much else left to say other than iron out the finer details. Which essentially boiled down to the other charters going home in the morning and cleaning up shop.

Whilst it would have been nice to keep them here, especially with our dwindling numbers, we recognised that things needed to be handled as a whole.