Page 53 of Be My Summer

“Okay.”

6:54p

We settled into the truck and were on our way to the venue. Summer’s silence was deafening.

“I love what you have on.”

“Thank you.”

She was truly the sweetest piece of my human experience.

“And you smell divine.”

A smile turned her lips upward as her eyes finally met mine.

There she goes.

“I’ve missed you all night and all day,” she confessed, full of emotions.

I didn’t miss the slight crack in her voice.

“Are you okay?”

She shook her head.

“No. I’m not and I don’t have an answer as to why. I’m just feeling so many things. So many different things, Saul.”

“Like?”

“Love–” she rushed out, “And grief. And pain. And pride. And comfort. And discomfort. And heartache. And healing. And… everything at once.”

I wished I could ease her mind. Take away that pain she spoke of.

“I’m sorry you’re not feeling your best right now, Summer. I want to help you work through all the things you’re feeling. How can I do that?”

“Just by being here. Just by doing what you do so well. Just keeping me smiling and talking and out of my head. I don’t want to be there tonight. I want to enjoy our time together.”

“You will.”

“I know,” she exhaled.

“But, about that first feeling,” I cleared my throat. “The love.”

I knew Summer well enough to know how much fear she packed in that heart of hers.

The fear of rejection.

The fear of neglect.

The fear of disappointment.

The fear of disappearance.

“Um hm.”

“I feel it, too. I’ve been feeling it since I laid eyes on you but as of late, it’s all in my fucking chest and it won’t get out. I don’t want it to either. I like it there as long as it’s for you.”

“So you’re saying–”