Page 62 of Be My Summer

“If you wanted me to beg, baby, just say it and I will.”

Silently, I watched as he placed a chair in front of the screen door of the porch.

“Or whatever else you want me to do. I just can’t give away another weekend alone. It hurts too much. I miss you and I know you’re in pain. I just don’t want you to bear that weight alone. Put it on me, baby. Give me some of that load. Let me carry that. I have two hands. Two legs. Two shoulders.”

I had no words.

“I know you’ve read beautiful words before. In fact, you’ve probably read the most beautiful words to ever reach the air before. These aren’t those.”

He removed a notebook from his pocket.

“These are just feelings–put into words as best I could… As best I can, because I’m not quite finished. But, I figure it’s a start. A way to at least begin to make sure the love I have for you lives far beyond our years. It’s been said that if you want something to last forever then write it down.”

Comfortably, he sat in the chair and opened his notebook.

“This book is dedicated to My Summer. I’ve never written so many words, but simultaneously, I’ve never felt so many things. So, instead of trying to show you how I feel all the time, I figured I’d translate them into something you know best–literature.

“It’ll likely take me years to finish this publication because every day I find a new reason why I love you and I doubt that ever stops happening. Let’s just call this piece Always. Because I’ll always be feeling new things. Always be seeing new things.

“Always be learning new things. Always be finding new ways to love you. Always be remembering reasons why I fell in love with you. Always. And, when I’m old and gray, I hope to open this book and always be reminded of the love we shared.”

Saul sighed as he turned the page.

“So, here’s to you and here’s to always.”

“Saul–” I cleared my throat, pressing my hand against my wet cheeks.

He had a way with my heart and I knew that he always would.

“I’m not leaving, Summer.”

“I don’t want you to.”

“Then what do you want me to do? I’ll do whatever. I just can’t get in my truck again without you on my passenger seat. I miss you. I want to be here for you. Just tell me how.”

“You’ve been here,” I explained. “Knowing you’re at the door every morning with food for the day and fresh tulips… that’s been getting me through this time. I haven’t forgotten you, Saul. My heart won’t let me. It just– it hurts. And, there’s so much to be said. So much to be discussed.”

“I know.”

“You experienced the woman I’ve been longing for my entire life.”

“I’m sorry–”

“Don’t be. It’s just the way life goes. You know. If fucks you. Really hard. In the ass. No lubrication.”

“Summer, don’t do that.”

“How do we move on? We share a mother.”

“We don’t share a mother, Summer. My mother is dead.”

“But sh–”

“Is my stepmother and I’m not sure how much longer.”

“Family functions, dinners, baby showers, weddings– am I supposed to just–”

“You’re not supposed to do nothing because I will make sure she’s never in a space you are in.”