Page 21 of Stand on That

“Yeah, you say that shit then walk off plotting. What you want me to do? Give the car back to her and get another one?”

Bree had done me a favor and got the car in her name as long as I promised not to mess up her credit. I gave her $9,000 to put down on the car and some months, I doubled up on the payments. The car was brand new when I got it, so I still owed around $35,000. I could give that to Bree easily and be done with her. Or if I was a foul nigga, I’d give her the car and let her worry about the payment, but I wasn’t going to do that.

“You don’t have to get rid of the car, Darius. I’m not tripping. But I promise you, and I mean it with my whole heart. The day I find out you got me out here looking stupid I’m done. There won’t be any arguing or fighting. I’m just going to be done. Got it?” Vani had been drinking and smoking, but she was speaking very coherently, and she looked serious as hell.

“I got it. You don’t even have to worry about that.”

“Cool.”

I watched Vani walk off and go over to Hailey and Lo. My ass was so high I didn’t know how long I was staring at her. It could have been the E, but I was starting to feel like I loved her ass. Like was dead ass in love with her. I knew I was tripping when I started thinking about putting babies in her. It wouldn’t be in the next few months, but something told me if Vani came to me and told me she was pregnant I wouldn’t trip. And that was crazy considering I wasn’t trying to change anybody’s diaper or listen to a bunch of crying in the middle of the night.

Vani had a hold on a nigga, and I knew the deeper I got with her it was going to be some shit. I just had to ask myself if I was ready for all that.

My stomach was hurting so bad that I was moaning in my sleep. “Vani!”

When I heard Darius sounding panicked, my eyes opened, and I frowned from the pain. I had gone too hard the night before. We were celebrating Hailey’s birthday, and I got so drunk I threw up twice before passing out. There was a foul taste in my mouth. I zeroed in on Darius looking overly concerned.

“Bae that’s yo’ period? The bed got hella blood in it.”

I sat up and the moment I did, a gush of fluid came out of me. It was so warm and felt like so much that my eyes grew wide. We stared at each other for a moment. I looked down between my legs, and it looked like a massacre had occurred. I started my period at ten and never had my day one started so heavy and aggressive. Another cramp ripped through my abdomen.

“I think something is wrong,” I began to panic. Darius rushed over to the bed to pick me up as I tried to remember when my last period had occurred. We’d been living together for three months, and we fucked like rabbits. Me getting pregnant wasn’t a far-fetched idea at all and even though neither of us wanted kids at the moment, we weren’t doing a lot to prevent it. Darius pulled out sometimes. But when he was drunk which was damn near every weekend, he didn’t.

He carried me to the bathroom, undressed me, and put me in the shower. Dazed I watched the blood leak into the tub and mix with the running water. I was still borderline drunk, but I knew my period had only come once since I’d moved in with Darius. When I wasn’t braiding hair, I was at home cooking or cleaning, riding around with Darius or partying with Lo and Hailey. Lo had started community college, but she still didn’t pass up the opportunity to go out.

My life was so busy and nonstop that I didn’t even miss my period not coming. I had been going so hard smoking and drinking the poor kid was doomed anyway. Closing my eyes I gritted my teeth and tried to get through the pain as Darius quickly washed me off. When I was done, he looked underneath the sink and grabbed a pad. He dressed me and even brushed my teeth. I sat on the bed in agonizing pain waiting for him to get ready. Darius drove like a mad man through the streets of Diamond Cove and got me to the nearest hospital.

He was in such a frenzy and telling them that I was bleeding everywhere I went straight to the back. When it was all said and done, I had been nine weeks pregnant and had miscarried. The doctor gave me something for pain and told me mostly everything had passed and that my uterus would clean itself out. He didn’t give me anything too strong but with the alcohol and weed I consumed the night before, how late I went to bed, and the medicine, I was ready to go to sleep as soon as we got in the car.

“You good?” Darius glanced over at me, and I nodded.

“You sad?”

“Not really. We move around too much for a baby, and I’m not really ready to sit down. I’m going to get on birth control because your pullout game is obviously trash,” I mumbled.

“Damn my bad,” he pushed out a soft sigh. “I guess once you keep getting away with something it’s easy to become careless.”

I only had one appointment scheduled for later, but I was going to have to cancel on her. I hated to do that, and I rarely did. I was going to tell her if she could wait until the next day, I’d fit her in bright and early. For the moment, I just wanted to sleep. The doctor suggested I stay off my feet for a few days, but I could braid sitting down if I really needed to.

“You hungry?”

I had been in so much pain food wasn’t on my mind. The cramps in my belly had felt like period cramps on steroids which said a lot because my regular period cramps could bring tears to a person’s eyes. The pain had subsided and when I thought about it, I could eat. “Yeah, I’ll order take out from Egg’scuse Me. You want something?”

Darius nodded before giving me his order. We ate there often, so he knew exactly what he wanted. His phone began ringing, and I settled in my seat and leaned my head against the headrest. I wasn’t even sure how to feel. I had been irresponsible, but I didn’t want any kids at the moment. However, it seemed wrong to view a miscarriage as a blessing. Maybe it was just more along the lines of God knew what I didn’t need at the moment.

It had nothing to do with Darius. He was a great boyfriend. He made my relationship with Craig look like child’s play. When I got my hair done, went to the nail shop, or even the club, I caught the stares from females. I heard the whispers. My name had more than likely been changed to ‘That’s Her.’ Or, ‘That’s Darius’ Girl.’

Some of the glances were inquisitive. Some were filled with envy but unless I was delusional, none of the looks appeared to be amused. I prayed every day that Darius wasn’t making me the laughing stock of Diamond Cove. When I got together with Lo and Hailey most of the gossip consisted of which couple in the city was going through some crazy drama. STD’s, baby mama drama, fights, paternity tests, vandalized property. There was always some tea to spill. God forbid the day ever come when it was my tea being sipped on.

I wasn’t slow or green. I didn’t put anything past anybody, but I simply wasn’t interested in watching Darius like a hawk. When I rode around with him, he was the one that requested my company. When his phones would be vibrating off the hook, I never picked them up to see who was calling. I didn’t go through his text messages. I refused to live my life paranoid. What I was choosing to do was enjoy the good times and trust in God that if Darius was doing anything wrong in the dark, it would come to the light, so I could be out.

I loved Darius so much. More than I had ever loved a man that wasn’t family, but I wasn’t going to let that love make me foolish. Young or not, I refused to willingly be dumb. Darius picked my food up, and we went straight home. We ate our food together then I got comfortable in bed. I was shocked when Darius began taking his clothes off. I watched with dipped brows as he got behind me in the bed and wrapped his arms around me. It was usually about the time he left the house to start making moves. Darius would sit still for a bit on Sunday’s but Monday through Saturday, he was a straight road runner.

“You not going to make money?” I asked over my shoulder.

Darius kissed my shoulder, grabbed me a little tighter, and snuggled a little closer. “Nah. I’m ‘bout to lay with you.”

Three days later, I sat across from Hailey at a popular brunch spot, Scrambled. The food was good, but people came more for the bottomless Mimosas, music, hookah, and vibes than they did the food. Day two, I went to the shop and did my client’s hair, but my stomach was still cramping, and I was bleeding annoyingly heavy. After I did her hair, I didn’t leave the house again until I met Hailey for brunch and caught her up on what had happened.