Page 110 of My Fallen Saint

“Because I walked out on you once without saying a word. This time, I’m not walking until you know the truth.”

He stands, then paces the room. “I’m not saying I’m going to look good—God help me, there’s no way for me to look good—but you need to understand the why. And maybe—maybe—you can forgive me just a little.”

I reach out and take Brandy’s hand, dreading what’s coming.

“I killed Peter, yes,” he says as Brandy’s fingers tighten around mine, so much that I fear she’s going to break something. “I stood on the roof of one of his construction sites, and I took him out with a single shot. I did it because I had to. Because I’m my father’s son, and it was a rite of passage. A test. And if I didn’t, well, what would a man like my father need with a son like that?”

He pauses by the window, and I can see his reflection in the glass. He looks haunted. A shadow of himself. And in that moment, it’s not him I hate, it’s his father. The vile creature who somehow started all of these pieces in motion.

“That was what my father thought, anyway,” Devlin continues. “But it wasn’t the reason I ultimately agreed. I liked Peter. Despite everything, I liked him. He brought drugs into Laguna Cortez, and that pissed me off, but my father would have gotten there eventually. His fingers reached everywhere.”

He turns to face us. “Mostly I liked him because I knew he loved you. He was shit at showing it, but he did. And when I learned what my dad was going to order me to do, I made a plan to run.”

It’s my turn to squeeze Brandy’s hand, but I don’t say anything.

“I was going to just get the fuck out of that life. It was all in place, Ellie. I was set to go. I was going to have to leave you—crosshairs, right?—but you were never going to be a permanent thing. How could you be with the life I had to lead? So you were my good memory. The vault of happiness I kept locked away in my heart, to draw on when I needed it.”

I taste salt and realize I’m crying.

He meets my eyes, and I’m sure he notices, but he doesn’t stop.

“Then I learned that Peter killed your father.”

I flinch, but he doesn’t slow down. “One of his lieutenants told me that my father wanted me to do this hit because he knew I’d want retribution. The Wolf gave me an order, but my father made sure that he knew how to make me want to do it. Because I’d be avenging your dad.”

My heart is beating painfully hard, and beside me, Brandy is crying.

His breath shakes as he exhales. “That’s why I left. How could I look at you after what I did? And how could I tell you the truth? That your uncle killed your father? I couldn’t do it. I’m not even sure I should be doing it now. But that’s the story, and at least now you know all of it.”

I cling to Brandy, shaking my head and sobbing even though I believe every word. And it’s all just too damn horrible.

In front of us, Devlin shoves his hands in his pockets. “I’m sorry, El. So much sorrier than you’ll ever know. And hope that you have at least one untainted memory of me that you can keep in your heart.”