Page 115 of My Fallen Saint

I hope it’s the latter, and as I put my bag down, intending to change my clothes for tonight, I realize that I’m right. Of course it’s about me. Just like the candles are. Just like the key code is.

Five-twelve-twelve-nine-five. The letters of the alphabet. E. L. L. I. E.

My knees go weak and I sink to the floor. He wants me. Hell, he always has.

I only hope I’m strong enough to convince him that I still want him, too.

I’m on the sofa when I hear the beep of the key code. I’ve changed into a cute little wrap-around dress and my favorite designer heels—a pair of pink Manolo sandals that I bought for my interview with Roger over three years ago. I got the internship, and now I wear my lucky Manolos whenever the situation warrants.

Tonight, I figure I need all the luck I can get.

I stay seated, trying to look casual, but I’m pretty certain he’ll hear the pounding of my heart.

I hear the door open, then close, then his footsteps in the hallway. I swallow, my body going tense. I have absolutely no idea how he’s going to react when he sees me, and the best that I can do is hope that he doesn’t pick me up bodily and toss me out. Because God knows I’m no physical match for this man.

And then there he is, standing in the hallway, his hair gleaming in the light from the dim overhead fixture. He stands tall, his face emotionless. It’s the posture and expression of a man used to dealing with the public even when he wants to do nothing but disappear. It’s poise and control, but I see under the surface. I see him, and in that moment, I realize, I always have. There’s still Alex in him, just as there was a bit of Devlin in the boy I used to know. None of that matters now, though. He’s the man he is, and that’s the only thing that counts.

Because he’s the man I want.

I stand up, then move around the couch to him.

“El,” he whispers, his voice laced with the tiniest hope. “Why are you here?”

“Don’t be stupid, Saint. You know why I’m here.”

For a moment, that hope flares, only to fade again. “You don’t want me, Ellie. I’m not a good man. I’ve done things. So many things. Some I regret. But others…” He trails off with a shake of his head. “Whatever you think you know, you don’t.”

“I know that you thought your father would punish you if you didn’t kill Peter. He’d have me killed, right? To teach you a lesson?”

He drags his fingers through his hair. “Tamra told you.”

“Don’t be mad at her. She only did it because she knows I love you.”

He looks at me, his gaze sharp.

“Yeah, you heard me. I love you.” The words come so easily, not scary in the slightest. “I always have. Don’t you get that? I love you, and the rest of it doesn’t matter.”

“But it does. There will always be secrets between us. Things I’m not willing to talk about. Not ever.” He drags his fingers through his hair. “You should have stayed away. I’m a dangerous bet.”

I swallow, my head tilted back to meet his eyes. “Did you mean what you said before? That you would never hurt me? That you’ll always protect me?”

“With all my heart.”

“Then believe me when I say that I will always trust you.” I move closer, but he still doesn’t touch me. “Who doesn’t have secrets? And besides, I thrive on danger, remember?”

That earns me the hint of a grin, and I’m so joyous at the reaction you’d think I’d just won the lottery.

“I trust you, Devlin. More than that, I need you.” I lick my lips, then swallow. “And you were right.”

He cocks his head. “About?”

“That it’s not control I need. It’s surrender.” I draw a breath and meet his eyes. “But you need the control, don’t you? Because for so long you were at your father’s mercy. It’s why you do what you do.”

His laugh is raw. “Well, you’re right about that. More than you know.”

I don’t know what he means by that, but right now, it doesn’t matter.

I take one more step, so close that I can feel his breath and the air between our bodies seems to shimmer. I untie the sash on my dress, opening it to reveal a lacy bra and very tiny panties. I let it slide off my shoulders, then fall to the ground behind me.