Page 27 of Destroyed With You

“I get that, too. But have you thought about it from my side? It’s been almost five years, Winston. You thought I was dead, and that’s horrible. And I’m so sorry I put you through that. But I was dead, at least as far as you knew.”

She turned her head away, but not before he saw the tear snake down her cheek.

“Death happens all the time,” she continued softly. “People go on with their lives. They heal. But me? I had to live my life knowing that you were right there, just a phone call or a drive or an airplane ride away, but I didn’t even have the right to look at you. You think what I did is horrible? So do I. You think I hurt you? I know that I did. But I hurt me too. And believe me when I say it wasn’t my choice.”

His chest had tightened painfully, but when he spoke he worked to keep the emotion out of his voice. “Sweetheart, there’s always a choice.”

“Don’t you get it? There was so much going on in Texas. Hades really was hell. You thought you saw the filth and corruption from your perspective as sheriff? You didn’t even know the half of it.”

She paused for a breath, and he had to remind himself to stay quiet. She didn’t need to know that he’d been more than a small town sheriff. Not yet. Not until he’d heard the full story. The real story.

“They liked that I got close to you because you were the sheriff and I needed an in at the county. But our marriage was never an assignment, and I never expected to fall in love with you. Believe me, I wish I hadn’t. It’s turned out to be a painful inconvenience.”

Her words lashed out at him like the flail of a whip.

She continued, her words tripping over each other. “But that wasn’t the worst of it. I was undercover. Stuck in deep in the middle of the Consortium, one of the vilest groups we’ve ever taken down, and it was run all through that little town, like it was the center of a giant wheel. Hade’s was the hub, and I was in the thick of it.”

Her eyes flashed as she stared him down. “They killed hundreds of people. You only saw some of the bodies. Some of the dirt. Just a hint at how massive that operation was.”

He stayed silent. He knew damn well the width and breadth of the Consortium.

“But we took them down, Winston.” There was pride in her voice. Pride and power and regret, too. “The work I did undercover played a huge part in that. But there was a price.”

He heard the pain in her voice, and his heart twisted. “You had to disappear.”

She nodded. “Once the Consortium was under attack in Hades, they had to clear out. Deep cover, right? So I had to go with them. But they couldn’t have some sheriff sniffing around like a dog with a bone. And you really were sniffing around. You caught that case, remember? It was a murder. And it led you into all sorts of places where you shouldn’t have been looking.”

He remembered. How could he forget?

“That case was what put you on the Consortium’s map. Before that, you were more of an irritation. They needed you distracted and off the case.”

“So they said you had to die.”

“No. They said you did.” She licked her lips. “They wanted you gone. They needed you to stop poking around. And I … I begged them to save your life. They were going to kill you. They were going to take you out into the desert and put a bullet in the back of your head.”

Tears trickled down her cheeks. “I pleaded with them to let you live. The Consortium was already wrapping up in Hades.” Her words tumbled out on top of each other. “It was getting too hot. They were moving as much of their operation out as they possibly could.”

She swallowed, then looked straight at him. “I had to do something fast. They wanted you gone or at least too distracted to pay attention. So I traded my life for yours.”

“And it was easy for you.” His voice was flat. “It was easy because you knew you’d be leaving me anyway. After all, I was only your cover while you were in town for your Hades operation.”

“No!” Her voice was full of vehemence. “No, you can’t believe that. I would never have left you. I might never have told you the truth about the organization I worked for, but I would never have left you. The only reason I did is because they were going to kill you. And I couldn’t bear the thought of you being dead, especially when I had a chance to save you.”

He didn’t know what to say. The words had the ring of truth about them. And it made sense that she thought she had to protect him from the big, bad Consortium.

After all, she’d truly believed he’d been just a small town sheriff. How could she have known that if she’d come to him they might have figured something out?

But she should have had faith. She should have believed that he had the skill or the resources to fight back. She’d owed him that, hadn’t she? They’d been married, after all. Hell, they’d been happy.

And even if everything she said was true, how dare she make that big of a decision on her own? But even if it was wrong of her to decide, had her heart truly been in the right place? Or was she just yanking his chain right now, covering up the fact that she’d been nothing but a plant? A paper doll wife who’d been assigned to watch the local sheriff?

Frustrated, he turned away from her, his mind too full, and looking at her only made thinking harder, because he didn’t want to believe their relationship had been a lie. God knows it hadn’t been an act for him. And maybe, just maybe, it hadn’t been an act for her, either. Her words—her tone—sure seemed to suggest that what they’d had in Hades was real.

Christ, he wanted to believe that. But they’d both lied to each other. Hell, their entire marriage had been built on lies, and she only knew the half of it.

But did that mean they both deserved the heartache? Maybe it did. If they hadn’t deserved it, then life really was a damned unfair place because he’d been suffering for years, and even though he knew more about her than she was telling, something told him that she’d suffered, too.

Finally, he turned back around to face her. “All right. Keep going.”