Page 52 of My Beautiful Sin

But wasn’t that the point? He’d thought only of himself, and in doing so, he’d left a trail of destruction behind him. A trail that culminated now in my broken heart.

There’s a wreck on the 5 and traffic is a nightmare, which just adds to my malaise. I try to sleep in the car, and maybe I even succeed a little. But I don’t think so, because the reason I wanted to sleep was so that when I woke up it would all be over, and I’d be left with nothing more than a bad dream.

But that’s not the case. When we get to Laguna Cortez, everything is as real as it was when we left Los Angeles. And though I smile at Lamar and thank him for driving and let him put an arm around my shoulder as he leads me to the door, I know that he can see the pain as well.

And that he feels as helpless to fix me as I do.

“I’m okay,” I lie when we reach the front door. “Really.”

“I’m sure you are, but that doesn’t mean I’m leaving you alone until you’re settled inside.” He presses a gentle kiss to my forehead, then releases me and punches Brandy’s code into the keypad. I hear the familiar whirr of the lock, then the scrape of the hinges as he pushes the door open. Such familiar sounds in a world that doesn’t seem familiar anymore.

He reaches for my hand, as if he’s leading a child over the threshold. That’s how I feel, too. Young and unsure and scared and lost. I don’t like feeling this way. It doesn’t seem like me, and yet maybe it is. Maybe I’ve finally reached that point where all the shit in my life bearing down is too much. Maybe it’s finally broken me.

“I’m really okay,” I lie again. He’s my best friend, but I wish he’d go. All I want to do is curl up in a ball.

Except even that’s not true. What I really want to do is curl up next to Devlin, letting him hold me while I sleep. Because if I can do that, maybe I’ll wake up stronger simply by virtue of having him near.

But he’s in another state, and while I love Lamar, it’s not the same.

I manage a smile, and I’m about to kiss his cheek and push him out the door when I see a shadow move across the floor of the entryway. I freeze, because I didn’t realize anyone else was home, then cry out in relief when I see that it’s Devlin.

I don’t realize I’m moving until I’m in his arms and he’s holding me. It’s only then that the dam breaks, and before I know it, tears are streaming down my cheeks and I’m clinging to him as he holds me tight. For a moment we stay like that, clutching each other in the hallway, with him whispering soothing things to me. Finally, I manage to gather myself, and I pull away enough to see his face. “How? You’re supposed to be in Vegas. How are you here?”

“Lamar texted. Said I needed to be here when you got back. He said you needed me.”

I turn, my eyes searching out Lamar who’s standing in the entryway, the door now closed behind him. He lifts a shoulder in a shrug. “I wasn’t wrong.”

I mouth thank you.

“You flew back,” I say to Devlin. “For me.”

“Oh, baby, what else would you expect? Do you want to tell me what happened?”

With that, the tears start up again, simply from the knowledge that he came only because I needed him.

I bury my face against his chest again, and I’m clinging to him when I hear the door open once again at the same time that Brandy says, “—and when he went into the surf, I just about lost—Hello? What’s going on?”

Immediately, Jake leaves Brandy and Christopher to bound forward and snuffle my rear. Despite everything, I laugh, then reach down to stroke his head.

“It’s okay,” Lamar says to the room in general. “I’ll talk to you soon, Sherlock.”

I nod, and then blow him a kiss.

He grins, holds my gaze for a moment, then turns to leave, his fingers brushing Brandy’s shoulder as if to say that he’ll fill her in later.

Brandy, of course, isn’t willing to wait. She looks from me to Devlin. “What happened?”

“I had a shitty day,” I say. “Lamar was sweet and told Devlin to meet me here.”

I watch as Christopher tugs Brandy’s hand before she can ask another question. “You know what I was thinking?” Before Brandy can answer, he continues. “I was thinking that it would be really fun to go to that movie theater on Pacific. What’s it called? The Prestige? Go see a classic movie. Wouldn’t that be a blast?”

It’s clear from Brandy’s face that she thinks that’s about the weirdest request ever. But then she looks at me, and I see realization in her eyes. She turns to Christopher and gives him a bright smile and a quick nod. “That is a totally terrific idea. I wonder what’s showing.”

“Doesn’t matter. Whatever it is, I’m sure we’ll like it. There’s got to be something starting soon, right? If not, we’ll grab a bite first.”

“The Maltese Falcon,” I say, remembering Lamar’s date with Tracy.

“A good movie,” Devlin says. “And, guys? Thanks.”