Page 68 of My Cruel Salvation

“Believe me. I’m very glad to hear that.”

I get behind the wheel again, and this time I fire her engine. She practically purrs, and I know she’s as happy to see me as I am to see her.

“Where to?” I ask.

“Just drive,” Devlin says. “Maybe see how she handles on the curves, then end up at the tidal pools.”

I glance at him. “I like that idea.”

She handles as well as she always has, and I take the roads at what most people would consider an unreasonably fast speed, but to me it’s freedom and glory. I love the control, the responsiveness. It’s a thrill. A rush. Hell, it’s a little like sex, and I glance over at Devlin, my smile so broad my cheeks ache.

I calm it down once we hit the Pacific Coast Highway, then turn left so that I can continue back south to Laguna Cortez’s official border. The Devlin Saint Foundation isn’t that far away, and as soon as I’ve passed Pacific Avenue, I pull into the parking lot.

I’m breathing hard and feel incredible. I know my hair is a mess since I didn’t put on the ball cap that’s usually in my glove box, but I don’t care. “That was the best present ever.” I’m so happy, I’m probably glowing.

“I thought you took those curves a little bit slower than I expected.”

I shrug. The truth is I did. A tiny bit. Maybe. I take his hand and squeeze “I guess I’m not as reckless as I used to be.”

He nods, and I know he understands what I mean. I’ve come too close to losing him before. I won’t lose him again.

We get out of the car and start walking toward the foundation, but we don’t go inside. He mentions that before we leave to go back home, he needs to pop in and get a box that he’s had Tamra put together for him with certain papers that he needs to review.

But right now this is only about us. The tidal pools are behind the foundation, and that’s where we head. They’re the site of our first kiss, and we both always seem drawn back to them, almost like a magnet.

As we walk hand-in-hand, it strikes me that I’m feeling light and free for the first time in days. “I love feeling like this,” I tell him. “But at the same time I can’t help but think of Lamar and Brandy. They both lost somebody, and I know it’s going to be a long time before they feel as light as I do right now.”

“Don’t,” he says. “Don’t feel guilty that you’re doing okay. You have to take your pleasure where you can find it, and they would tell you the same. It’s not as if you haven’t earned it. You’ve had your share of hell. More than your share. We both have. And while I mourn for what they’ve lost, too, right now what I feel most is the joy of being with you.”

I nod slowly, soaking up his words. ”You’re right. And I know that Lamar and Brandy would feel the same way, too.” I squeeze his hand in silent acknowledgement as we reach the pools. I’m about to say more, but he presses a finger to my lips, shushing me, and then to my complete shock, he drops to one knee. My hand flies to my mouth, because this can’t be happening. Except it is.

It really is.

“El, you know you’re the love of my life. You know all my secrets now, and you haven’t run. At this point, even if you did, I would go chasing after you. I want you forever. And I want you publicly. I want you to belong to me. You may be mine right now, but I want the world to know it. I want it to be official. So what I’m saying, my darling El, is that I want you to marry me. Will you do me the honor of being my wife?”

My knees turn to rubber and I fall to the sand beside him. My heart is pounding. My mind is spinning. I want this man—I want him forever.

And I know with absolute certainty what my answer has to be.

“I don’t have an engagement ring he says, but I know you kept your mother’s. I thought you might like that one, so I thought we could get it resized.”

“I—that’s a beautiful thought.”

I swallow and blink back tears, then I draw a breath and meet his eyes. “I love you, Devlin. I love you more than I ever imagined I was capable of loving anyone. And it’s a miracle that we’re back together.”

His head tilts just slightly. “I hear a but coming.”

“Dammit, it’s surprising me as much as it is you. It’s only—” I stumble, trying to explain what’s in my heart. “It’s just that I love this, too. And I’m not ready for it to end.”

“This?” He shakes his head slowly, and I twirl my hand, as if that’s a form of coherent conversation.

Since he clearly still doesn’t get it, I try again. “The way we were before all hell broke loose. Me at Brandy’s, you at your place. A few sleepovers to keep things interesting. Dinner dates. Cocktails.” I shrug. “Normal stuff.”

“Are you saying we aren’t normal?”

I bite back a laugh as I take his hands. “I’m saying I want to pretend to be. At least a little. We never got that, and I like it. Besides, if I move in with you, I lose out on my house. And I’m looking forward to fixing it up and moving in.” My childhood home had gone on the rental market after my father was killed, with the income going into a trust for me until I was twenty-one. Since then, I’ve kept it rented and applied the income to my Manhattan rent.

Now, though, my tenant is in the process of moving out. I want to go in, update the place, and live there for awhile, surrounded by the thrill of owning real estate and the nostalgia of being in my childhood home.