Page 79 of Deadfall

“I could,” I said, but the words sounded pathetic even to me.

We were practically nose to nose. I could smell the gunpowder on his hand and see the blood splatter on his face from his kills. Every breath I took made me blatantly aware of how our bodies were pressed against each other. My body didn’t hate it, and before I could stop myself, I made the terrible mistake of looking down at his lips. It was only a millisecond, but when I looked back up my stomach plummeted as his eyes narrowed dangerously.

“Careful,” he warned, his voice rough and strained.

Riggs’ thumb subtly shifted on my neck. The touch sent a shiver involuntarily through my body. A coarse rumble escaped him and he dropped his hand, the back of which grazed the side of my breast before he settled it possessively on my hip. I clenched my thighs together, but it was too late, the visceral reaction was written all over my face.

“Don’t touch me,” I growled.

I shoved him away and moved off the wall, taking several steps backwards.

He sneered. “Even your body knows the truth.”

I scoffed and pretended his words meant nothing before I turned and escaped the room.

“I’m not a patient man. I will eventually take what’s mine,” he called after me.

Later that evening, I snuck into the kitchen after everyone was asleep to grab some food. I froze when I saw Hangman sitting in the dark, nursing a glass that looked suspiciously like whiskey. We stared at each other for a long moment before he rose and walked over. He threw back the last of his drink and set the glass aside. I saw he had scrapes on his knuckles.

“Let me see,” he said, quietly.

He tilted my chin towards the dim light coming in from the window and hissed low in displeasure.

“I’m sorry, Syn.”

“It’s not your fault,” I muttered.

“I shouldn’t have switched up the orders.” Hangman sighed and let go of my face. “Careful with him, Syn,” he murmured. “Once he claims you—there’s no escaping.”

The look on his face told me everything he wasn’t saying. He meant no one escaped Riggs’ darkness, alive. While his concern was touching—I didn’t know what to do with it. So, I said nothing. I turned and dug through the fridge to hide the emotion his words provoked. It’d been a long day. I was done dealing with this. I was tired, hungry and still burned with anger and whatever the fuck else was happening with my body that continually left me with an unsatisfied feeling.

“I can take care of myself,” I said when I trusted my voice wouldn’t break.

I came out of the fridge with a leftover half of a sandwich. Hangman stepped in my way when I tried to leave. My instincts were thrashed, so when my stomach twisted in a knot at his proximity, I couldn’t do more than stand there frozen—numb to whatever would happen next. But, Hangman only sighed and handed me a water bottle.

“I know you can,” he smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Promise me one thing, okay?”

I hesitated. Here in the dark, his usually bright, sarcastic nature was shadowed. There was a darkness surrounding him that made my skin break out in goosebumps. I gave a curt nod, eager to get back to my room.

“You’ll let me know if he gets worse.”

The intensity in his eyes made me nod again, even if I wasn’t sure about that promise. I was thankful when he stepped aside and let me pass without another word. It wasn’t until I got back to my room that I wondered at his grazed knuckles. The implications were heavy on my mind until sleep eventually claimed me.

36

EMERSYN

Age 20

Over the next few weeks, I distanced myself from the guys, too freaked out by what had happened with Riggs. It helped that we didn't have any jobs planned except for some surveillance for the next hit, so I spent most of my time in my room, with Fang, when I wasn’t needed. It was lonely, and I realized this was the loneliest I’d felt in a long time.

Sometimes when I was alone in my room, I thought about my father. When I’d first come out of the forest, I’d told myself I’d get settled into this new normal and then I’d see about locating him. But, now that the possibility was within reach, actually finding out if he was dead or alive terrified me. If he was dead it would be like losing him all over again—and if he was alive? That felt equally as daunting because what if he’d moved on? What if he had another family? Other kids?

For so long I thought I’d want to immediately run to my father, but I realized I also harbored a lot of anger towards him that I wasn’t ready to address either. How do you bridge the gap with someone you haven’t seen since you were a child?

I didn’t know. But, I also realized that this might be one of those things where I would never be completely ready. Maybe, I just needed to take a quick peek and rip the bandage off. Because, honestly, if he was dead, then I’d need to grieve again for sure, but I’d be able to move on.

I knew enough not to use any device I had easy access to. Lev would find out if I did, so that meant going somewhere that had a computer with internet access. From our frequent trips around town, I knew there was a small convenience store that had a computer in the corner people could pay to use. That’s where I planned to go, and I was doing it tonight.