Page 118 of Black Hollow: Awakening

“It is my fault. I pushed you.”

Will furrowed his brow.

“What?”

Oscar completely fell apart. Slumping into the chair by Will’s bed, he buried his face in his hands, still crying.

“I’m sorry…”

“Oscar,” Will said firmly. “You didn’t push me.”

“I did.”

“It wasn’t you.”

Oscar looked up at him, his eyes full of astonishment.

“You don’t remember?” he asked quietly.

Will wanted to ask him the exact same question.

“Well, you should know,” Oscar stated with a bitter smile. “Because someone’s going to tell you sooner or later. Blake was there, too. And that girl… The driver and… I really don’t know what to do. If you want to report it… press charges… I’ll understand. I didn’t do it on purpose, I swear, it all just got out of control, but I’ll understand.”

“I’m not going to report anything,” Will answered, still thoroughly confused. Was it possible Oscar was right? Had the accident scrambled his memory and he’d just dreamed up the demon? No… Definitely not. Oscar said Blake and that girl were there. He probably meant Abigail. Why hadn’t he mentioned Christine?

“That thing, what happened at the club…”

“Oscar,” Will cut in sharply.

“I want to tell you. I know we don’t have a chance after something like this, but you have to know it wasn’t about you. I really like you. And I was happy with you. And even though you won’t believe me, I swear it was the first time. But I need you to understand why.”

“I know why, Oscar,” Will said in a colorless voice. “Because deep down, it was about me. I’m not good enough for you.”

Poor Willy, who whines because the guy who’s totally out of his league isn’t giving him as much attention as he’d like. That was it.

“That’s not true.”

“It is true. Besides… What are the reasons for cheating on your boyfriend? It’s not that complicated. You were bored, you had an urge, you get a thrill from messing around on the side… It’s fine. It really doesn’t matter anymore.”

“It wasn’t any of those reasons. I just…” Oscar bit his lip until it bled, thinking for a long moment. “I think it was the knowledge that it was wrong. That if someone caught me… there’d be consequences.”

Will gave the other man a look of weary resignation.

“You did it so I would catch you? I highly doubt that.”

“No. I didn’t want you to catch me, but I knew it was possible and that’s why…” Oscar let out a frustrated sound, as if he couldn’t find the right words. “I didn’t do things like that before we started dating. They never even crossed my mind. But ever since we got together… Ever since I started to care… I really don’t know how to explain it.”

“Then don’t. I already said it doesn’t matter.”

Oscar was silent for a long moment.

“It matters to me,” he finally declared. “I do things… Things that are risky. And sometimes, just plain dangerous. Because it’s only when the adrenaline hits that I feel alive. And I… I feel like there’s something wrong with me,” he whispered, his voice cracking. “Like I’m always searching for something… And I’m trying to get myself together, but in the worst possible way. The thing is, I don’t know how to do it any other way. I really don’t. And now I’ve hurt you. The one person I would never wish any harm on, because, because… I fell in love with you. I really did.”

Will strongly doubted that.

“Oscar…”

The tone of his voice must have been unmistakable, because Oscar lowered his head and swallowed nervously.