Page 46 of Never Till Now

I’m tired of trying to figure out people’s emotions. I’m tired of caring why I should. I’m tired of wondering if my own emotions are valid or worth having. I’m tired of not knowing how to function in a relationship because I’ve never seen a normal one. I’m tired of having to explain why I don’t want feelings to people who have no idea what I went through. I’m tired of saying I’m alright. I’m tired of being me.

But no one wants to hear that.

“I’m alright.” I fake a smile, but by the look on his face, he knows I’m lying.

“Okay.” He brings my hand to his lips and kisses it before letting it go. “I’m here if you want to talk, or not talk.”

A tidal wave of emotion smacks me, bringing a sting to my nose. My tongue hits the roof of my mouth as I suppress unwanted tears. Why does his offering cease my lungs and make me want to break down? I turn the door to hide my face.

“I just want to go home.” I walk out and take a strong dose of melatonin before bed.

Chapter 14

Lauren

I stare at myself for too long in the mirror as Rachel lets out a whistle on video chat.

“Stop worrying, Ren. You look classy but still totally fuckable,” Rachel encourages, knowing I hate social events. “You look like a work of art.”

Tonight is the art exhibit of the photographer who captured Adam and me on the mountain.

I smooth my silky dark-green dress and move my curls to the side. I look elegant and semiformal. I made a stop at Sephora to have professional help to create smoky eyes. Makeup beyond mascara and lip gloss has never been something I’ve put effort into learning. As a woman who lives in scrubs and casual outfits, I don’t recognize the woman I see in the mirror. I brush a long blonde curl to the side and hold up two different earrings to the screen.

“Diamond studs or the dangly ones?” I take a shaky breath as the earrings jiggle.

“Dangly. Your necklace is really simple so the earrings will add a statement.” Rachel shakes her head. “There is no need to be nervous, my nasty Nordic.” I don’t try to hide my cringe. “You look like every human’s wet dream. Hell, I might burn this vision in my mind for later.” Rachel does an exaggerated wink.

“Shut up. I’ve never been to an event like this. What if the photo looks terrible blown up and people hate it?”

“Then you still get free appetizers and I know Adam will be getting you out of that dress as soon as he can.”

I smile and start to think about Adam’s skillful mouth on my neck. I press my lips together feeling my lower stomach tingle. Rachel clears her throat, snapping me back to reality.

“Sorry, I can’t get him out of my head sometimes.” I feel my cheeks heat.

“How are you guys doing?” I haven’t spoken to him since last night at the gym, but I have faith he will still pick me up.

“I have to get going.” I glance at my phone, avoiding her question. “He will be here any minute. I’ll call you again soon.” I wave as she shakes her head, flipping me off.

I spritz on perfume when Adam shoots a text saying he is on his way up. I slip on my short heels and debate changing into flats. My height already draws enough attention as it is. I open the door and grab my clutch. Adam stops at the doorway in his tailored suit and my core responds, desperate for him to bend me over in front of the mirror as he hikes up my dress and fucks me. His eyes travel up my body and back to my three-inch heels. My self-conscious side is rare, but I’m still human.

“Are the heels too much?” I tilt my head toward the flats. “I can change into those if you want.” This wouldn’t be the first time a guy has asked me not to wear heels so he feels superior in height.

Adam steps closer and his hand trails up the exposed skin on my leg from the slit of my dress. His fingers stop at the top of the slit and then travel up my arm to give my shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever shared the same breath of air with.” He steals my breath with a soft kiss. “Keep the heels on until you’re screaming my name.”

Annnd now I want to skip to the screaming his name part.

“Do we have to go to this event?” I poke my bottom lip out and let myself whine.

He takes a step back, clearing his throat as his hand reaches down to adjust his obvious need for me. “We do. We don’t have to stay long. But we are the main attraction to this event.”

“Main attraction?” My insides turn and I feel my heart rate pick up.

“That photo with the rolling fog is a gem itself. Add in a cute couple kissing on top of the mountain, and you’ve got a star piece.” He holds out his hand, but my ears are still processing his reference to us as a couple. “Are you alright? What’s really going on, Lauren?”

“Let’s go.” I straighten my shoulders and bypass his hand as we head out.