Page 65 of Never Till Now

“Mmm, my entire body feels you.” She moans and spreads her legs wider for more access to her clit.

I pull out and run my tongue over her drenched slit and lightly circle her with my tongue. “You’re gonna come on my tongue and then on my dick.” I continue to suck, bringing her to the edge and backing off until she can’t take it anymore.

“Please,” she pants. “I want you inside me when I let go. I want to feel you.”

I realize she’s never wanted anything from me until now.

I thrust in hard and give her what she wants. Her body trembles underneath mine and it’s the most beautiful sight. No one else gets to see her head thrown back and lips parted. Her pupils dilate as a breathy cry escapes her mouth. Her hands grip the sheets as I let myself go, holding myself in place deep inside her. I don’t know if I’ll get hell for doing this, but in this moment, I’m too wrapped up in the way she’s imprinting on my heart. I know she has the power to ruin me, I just hope she doesn’t use it.

I slide out and lie beside her, fixated on the large wooden ceiling fan above. Several minutes of silence go by as our breathing calms, but I feel an unknown tension build around us. Lauren’s head turns toward me with questioning eyes laced with fear.

“What—what just happened, Adam?” Her voice is quiet and thick with emotion I wish I could easily decipher.

This is about to go one way or another.

Chapter 19

Lauren

“What—what just happened, Adam?” I turn my head to Adam, unsure where these emotions are surfacing from.

Emotions I’ve only read about or witnessed on a screen. My hands tingle and my throat feels heavy, sinking deep in my chest. I’m light and heavy at the same time and I don’t know why I feel my eyes pricking with damn tears again. I’m not sad.

“That was…” He clears his throat and rolls his lips in as if he’s worried about saying his thoughts out loud. “That was us breaking a level of friendship.”

I stay silent, turning my attention back to the ceiling fan. My ears ring in the silence as my mind runs wild. The only thing I hate about what just happened is that I didn’t hate it. I didn’t hate how he made me feel important.

Seen.

Wanted.

He saw my truths and accepted every part of my being. Adam kissed away my heavy burdens, as if he took on the weight I carry, for himself. Can you even make love with someone you don’t love? Vulnerability crashes through my fearful soul, but I ache for the way he takes away my pain. I’m torn between my petrified heart and the antidote.

“We broke a level meaning…?” I feel my heart race every millisecond he doesn’t finish my sentence. “Adam!”

“I don’t know, Lauren.” He places both arms under his head. “I’m waiting for my brain to tell me this is all wrong.”

“But it’s not?” I’m confused and terrified.

“No. No, this is nothing I have ever experienced.” He rolls on his side to face me. “Did it feel like more than you wanted?”

“It was more than I wanted.” I roll to face him and feel tears threatening once again. “I don’t know how to accept these emotions.” I’m taking a chance with the recent advice someone gave me to speak about my emotions.

“Let me show you.” His face softens as his hand wipes a tear from the corner of my eye.

“I’m scared, Adam.” I surprise myself with honesty.

“Me too, Lauren.” I bring my hand up to hold his wrist on my face. “Whatever came over me, it feels right.”

“Shouldn’t this be a deathbed memory?” I want him to say this was a mistake so I can build another wall and leave before I let my heart be susceptible to possible pain.

“Is it so wrong to make this memory last a while?”

“We have rules for a reason, remember?” I toy with my bottom lip. “You’ve experienced love and heartbreak.” The feeling of losing love is foreign when you’ve never had it, but my experience with abandonment runs deep. “I don’t want to go through it.”

“I’d go through past heartbreaks a hundred times more if I knew it would lead me to you. Until this very moment, I never thought I’d feel again.”

“What do you feel?” I can’t commit to anything further than what I just experienced, but what just happened healed wounds I never knew possible.