Page 41 of Plain Sight

Elise and Charlotte exchange a glance.

“Maybe it’s less waiting around and more…being there?” Charlotte moves in a slow circle with Robin. “That probably doesn’t sound like what you want.”

I take a deep breath and let it out.

“I want to go get the kidnapper, and, like…tell my grandfather off. I want to make a huge announcement to the world that he can’t be trusted. I want to swoop in and be the hero. But I know that’s probably not realistic.”

“No, it is.” Elise stops stirring the frosting. “You got kidnapped and still had a wedding. You can be a hero if you want to. We’ll back you up.”

“You’ll have our full support,” Charlotte says. “Although I think Mason might have a different opinion about crusading with a baby in tow.”

We all laugh at that.

“Two babies, in a way,” Elise adds, and I remember all over again that I’m pregnant. With Jameson’s baby. I wonder if that’ll keep happening until I give birth. “How are you…with the pregnancy? And everything…related to that?”

“Bewildered?”

Charlotte and Elise both laugh at that, and I join in, because it is bewildering to be pregnant. Especially in the beginning, when you can’t tell from the outside that I am with child but I definitely feel the difference.

“Is it a good thing, do you think?” Charlotte asks, her tone gentle and sunshine-y. It’s obvious why Jameson calls her Sunshine. “Because if it’s not, you have options.”

“Oh!” Shock barrels into me in a twisting spin. “It’s good! No, it’s very good. That doesn’t sound convincing when I say it like that.” The next laugh that comes out of me is a nervous one. “But I am good. I’m very happy to be pregnant. My life plan is shaken up, but it was like that before I was pregnant, so this is just—this is a good surprise.”

Robin stirs on Charlotte’s chest, waking up from his nap, and she puts her hand on the back of his head and holds him close while he wriggles around.

“Okay!” Charlotte answers. “We just wanted to make sure that you felt, like, empowered. In your decision. And not trapped. Nobody here wants you to be trapped. Being married does not mean you’re obligated to have children.”

“No, it does not,” Elise says firmly, whisking another bowl out of a cupboard. “You’re the queen of your body.”

“My body wishes it could dance.”

Elise’s eyebrows go up. “Gabriel said you mentioned dancing. I can’t believe we haven’t talked about it already. What kind of dancer were you? Ballet? Modern?”

“I did take a ton of ballet classes.” Fond memories sweep over me of rows of little kids at the barre. I loved how many rules there were in ballet. That might seem counterintuitive, but it was always easier for me to know what to do when the rules were nonnegotiable. “But lately, I was into modern dance. I danced at a club, actually. A gentlemen’s club.”

Both Elise and Charlotte stop what they’re doing and turn wide eyes on me.

“I didn’t strip,” I say hurriedly. “I danced on an aerial hoop. With a special outfit. Not a—not a stripping outfit, just a special leotard that I really liked. I tore it during my escape attempt from Jameson’s cottage.” Oh, Lily, come on. “Forget I said that, would you?”

“Not the part about the gentlemen’s club,” Elise says. “What was that like? Did you feel like a queen there, too?”

“Well, it was—” I laugh out loud. “It was a classy one called The Membership. I wanted to dance there because they—it was how it sounds. They charged a membership fee, and they were strict about how guests could behave, so it was—it was safe there. It turned out to be way safer than the house I grew up in. But we don’t have to talk about that! I don’t want to get emotional about a gentlemen’s club!”

Elise waves her spoon like a sword. “No emotions! None! Just tell us what it was like. How high was the hoop off the ground? Did you ever fall? This seems so daring, Lily. Like, so brave.”

I explain the hoop, and the music, and the mats on the stage, and the feeling of anticipation just before the music started, and how hot it would get in the spotlight.

“I loved it.” I can still see it. The outlines of the faces. Eyes shining in the dark, all on me. “The hoop wasn’t actually that high off the ground, but it looked high. Dancing felt like flying.”

“Do you think you’ll keep dancing?” Charlotte asks. “Is it a career aspiration, or something you do for yourself?”

“I want to keep dancing.” I didn’t know how much I wanted to keep dancing until this moment. “Maybe not in a club, but the dancing part…yes. I want to keep doing that. I’m not sure about careers. My whole life, I thought I’d become a lawyer. And then a judge. That was my focus during undergrad. I was going to go to Columbia Law.”

“Nice,” Elise breathes. “You could still go, you know. Jameson wouldn’t stop you. That would be highly hypocritical.”

“I was dreading it,” I admit. “It felt like stepping on a conveyor belt that I wouldn’t be able to get off of. Still, all that work…”

I’m just thinking out loud.