Page 8 of Burn For Me

“Go away! Just go away,” I whispered.

Paralysis set in, and I froze in position with the thing making gurgling and rasping noises. “Go away, please go away,” I said over and over until the tranquilizer took control and my eyes were too heavy to hold open any longer.

“You did this to me, son,” it whispered in my ear. “I’ll always be with you.” I heard and passed out.

“Are you ready to co-operate today, Mr. West?”

I couldn’t even be bothered glaring. I simply stared into his eyes and wondered what they would look like melting inside of his head.. The fear that would fill them just before they disappeared forever.

“Mr. West, this is your final chance to work with me. I’m not going to waste my time with you when you clearly do not want to participate in the sessions.”

He closed the file on his desk, and I could see Adalyn’s sad face floating in the air. She clutched her hands together and mouthed, “Please.”

Sighing, he did something he hadn’t done since arriving, and that was to try and make an effort to appease this piece of shit.

“I don’t know what you want from me,” I said, and Dr. Wallace paused, his hand on the way to the phone to call and have me carted away.

“You need to open up about the pain that triggered your rage and set you on the path to killing four people.”

I squirmed in my seat. I never talked about that shit with anyone, and I certainly didn’t want to talk about it with this pompous windbag that thought he could “fix me.” I shook my head and crossed my arms over my chest.

“Start with why you dislike authority, Mr. West. It’s clear that you have issues with any form of it.”

I fixed my stare on the man across the desk and loved that he shifted in his seat. It was subtle, but I knew I made him nervous. Truth be told, I made everyone nervous but Adalyn. She saw something else other than the demon they all deemed me to be. I might have been what they thought, but only her opinion mattered.

“What have authority figures ever done for me,” I asked, sitting a little straighter.

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

“Let me recap.” I held up a finger. “My father was a drunk that liked to knock my mother around and then went after me.” I held up a second finger as I counted. “My mother let him do it.” A third lifted. “Teachers turned a blind eye.” A fourth finger. “Social services walked away saying that there wasn’t enough evidence of abuse and didn’t do fuck all to help. Like the bruises that lined my mother’s face under her makeup and the cigarette scars on my body weren’t enough?”

Angry now, I slid to the front of my seat, and Dr. Wallace slid further back in his.

“And the government doesn’t really give a flying fuck about what happens to the kids from abusive homes as long as they still get to smile and wave to the adoring fans while they kiss the cheeks of babies that they would sooner run over with their car like a speedbump than bother to help.”

I stood but walked away to stare out the grated window that overlooked the parking lot and a small sitting area where those deemed less dangerous could sit.

“The system is broken, doctor….” I looked over my shoulder at him. “And you, are no different. You come here every day to collect your paycheck and fuck some new naive nurse before you go home and pretend to love your wife and daughter. All the while, you can’t stand your life and wish there was some way out. And since you can’t see one that doesn’t require you killing her or costing you a fortune, you take your anger and emotional issues out on those you treat, myself included. So before you decide to tell me I’m wrong, would you like me to list off all the shit you’ve done to me since I arrived here nine years ago?”

Dr. Wallace’s mouth was hanging open, but no words came out. “Ah….”

“Ah, ah, ah, what? Not true, or are you simply shocked that I know your secret of what you do in this office or the nurses’ station when you think no one is around and paying attention?”

He licked his lips, smacking them together like a motor trying to get going. “That…that’s preposterous,” he stammered but looked away, unable to hold my stare.

“Is it? Are all the things you’ve done to me over the years preposterous as well? I know all your secrets, Dr. Wallace. The walls are not as soundproof as you think, and those that have died on your watch whisper in my ear.” I tapped the side of my head. “They don’t like you very much and want to see you burn.”

The conversation had taken a sideways turn, but I was so sick of this man and his unfair assessment of right and wrong. He had a God complex that needed to be snuffed out and I was the man for the job.

Dr. Wallace stood so fast that his rolling chair banged into the wall and made him jump. “That’s it. You’ve proven that you can’t be rehabilitated enough to move down to the less-secure wards, let alone out into society. My official recommendation is for you to spend the rest of your sentence in prison, which in your case will hopefully be until you die.” I clasped my hands in front of me and smiled wide. “Why are you smiling? I’m serious.”

“If you make that call, then your world is going to burn down around you. And if you’re not careful, you’ll go up in smoke with it.”

“Is that a threat?”

“Simply a truth. Have you known me to lie, Wallace?” He knew I never lied, if anything I was too loose with a truthful tongue. That’s what terrified Dr. Wallace the most. I knew him better than he knew himself and he didn’t like to be analyzed the way he did to others. “Of all the notes you have in that thick folder, have you ever jotted down pathological liar?” He looked at the folder. The phone shaking in his hand was still only halfway to his ear. “I don’t make idle threats, doctor, and always have a contingency plan. The truth is that I’m conflicted. That’s the only reason why I didn’t leave this place a long time ago.”

“What do you mean?”