Page 99 of Anywhere

I swung my legs over the edge of the bed as Rhys continued to grumble and toss boxes around. Not bothering to get dressed myself, I stood and was shocked to see Elewyen approaching Rhys. Her bare feet padded softly on the stone floor as she tentatively went to him. As he reached for another box, her hand landed on his bicep, and he stopped mid-motion.

Rhys looked over his shoulder at her. His face looked pained for reasons I couldn’t understand as he turned to face her. His eyes switched from white hot anger to calm in a blink.

“I’ma sowry fir whateva it be dat is makin’ yer heart ache,” she said, and I thought Rhys was going to cry when he broke eye contact and looked at the floor.

“Din’t be sowry. Me mood is no’ yer fault.”

She was like a wary deer as she stepped in close to his body and wrapped her arms around his neck for a hug. They hadn’t spoken at all except for down in the dungeon, and considering her original fear of men, I was confused by her sudden acceptance of Rhys. Was it because we’d grown closer?

Rhys wrapped his arms around her waist and dropped his head to her shoulder. A small inkling of jealousy bloomed. Not because Rhys was touching Elewyen, but because she seemed to be able to do what I couldn’t, connect properly with him. He closed his eyes for a moment and hugged her back. It lasted no longer than a few seconds, but the moment between them seemed important, so I didn’t interrupt.

A dull ache bloomed in my chest right where my heart was, and I knew that something was bothering him, but I didn’t think it had anything to do with the meeting he’d gone to.

Elewyen released Rhys and left the room, closing the door behind her with Barry hot on her heels.

We were quiet until Rhys began his search all over again.

“You want to tell me what the fuck is going on with you?” I asked.

Walking to the end of the bed, I leaned against the large wooden post that held the privacy sheers. Rhys didn’t say anything and instead continued to dig in the boxes and make a huge mess of the neatly folded items. I was done with this attitude and took a step in his direction.

“Hurt me,” he blurted, and I froze.

“What?”

Rhys turned to look at me, and I searched his face, unable to figure out what was going on with him.

“I’ma sayin’ ta hurt me.”

“Man, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

Rhys’ hands clenched into fists. “Ya din’t understand what demons dance in me head. Da guilt dat is clawing at me soul.”

“Okay, look, I have no idea what’s going on. You asked me to convince Elewyen to stay, and I somehow managed to get her to almost say yes and have this incredible night.” I held my hands out towards the bed. “I figured you’d come back relieved that I managed to do something you asked of me, but instead you’re pissed off and now you want me to…what? Beat you or some shit?”

“I dinnie care what ya do. Beat me, fuck me, burn me, cut me, choke me, I honestly din’t give a fuck what ya decide to do, just do it. I’m asking ya to do it. I need ya to do it.”

His eyes were filled with so many conflicting emotions. The confusion in my chest was no better. I cupped his face. I never in a million years thought that I’d be the level-headed one between us in any scenario, but here we were.

“I need you to tell me what’s going on,” I said, and tried to ignore the surge of pleasure that coursed through my body. He made my blood sing at a higher octave with the slightest touch.

Rhys looked away and looked back, then opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I just dinnie know.”

“Don’t know what?” I asked, terrified about the answer.

“All of it,” he said, and my hands dropped from his face.

“Are you kidding me right now? You’re the one who has been training and studying for this and was pissed with me when I didn’t accept. Then I come here, and you tell me off and have somehow not only convinced me to stay but to actually look forward to this, and then you turn around and say you don’t know? Am I living in the fucking twilight zone here? What kind of game are you playing, and why do you keep changing your mind?”

“I’m no playin’ a game, Rook. Studyin’ ta be somethin’ and then it becomin’ reality are very different.” Rhys walked away and leaned against the large chair. “I genuinely want us, and more so wit each passin’ day. I still wanna have da triad, but I’m a fuckin mess. On da drive back here, it all hit me. Da responsibility, da lives dat are at stake, how da tree of us bein’ tagetha makes us a target, and how I may no’ live very long. Den you add in da guilt me heart holds, and I be all over da place. I’ma feelin’ like da world be tryin’ ta eat me.”

“Guilt? You mean about sleeping with Mari or having to leave her behind?”

“Both maybe I…I dinnie know,” he said.

This I did believe if what I was feeling was any indication. “Unbelievable. I fucking knew it was a bad idea to let you two have the night together. I could feel it in my bones, but no… I wanted you to have your moment with her. I wanted to be the good guy, and look where that has fucking gotten us? You told me you spoke to her and that you two sorted all this shit out.”

“Aye, da night together didn’ help, but da feelin’s were dere long before dat. Da ting is, it’s no’ jus her. It’s everythin’. I feel like somethin’ be sittin’ on me chest. A panic dat I no understand.”