Page 33 of Burn Me Down

This was insane. My heart was beating so fast I was sure it would give out. In no reality was this possible. I was trying to temper my expectations and hopes. The darkness buried inside me was bound to terrify Beck, and that didn’t include my face.

As we pulled into the driveway, I had to grip the wheel hard to keep myself from reversing and pulling back out again. I would rather run into a burning building or stand in the line of fire than take my mask off for Beck to see my face and wait for her to tear my heart from my chest as she demanded to leave.

“Are we here?”

I looked over the seat at Beck, lying quietly on the seat. “Yeah, I um….”

If you do this, there is no going back. She will not want you, so why are you doing this to yourself?

I squeezed the steering wheel hard as the voice echoed in my mind.

I can picture it now. You remove that mask, and Beck screams and runs for the door. You might be forced to kill her yet.

“Not happening,” I growled.

Please, you don’t actually think that something will go right for you? You’re a thing that no one has ever cared about, a damaged waste of space that no one could love. Face it, put an end to this now before you end up in the bathroom beating the fuck out of yourself again.

“Stop it, please.”

Arms wrapped around my neck from behind. “Don’t listen to whatever it’s saying. It’s not true.”

My emotions were smoldering and sucking like a backdraft as they got ready to explode with the first lick of oxygen.

“I can’t do this,” I said. It had been a long time since I felt this weak and out of control. Images that I’d pushed so deep clawed their way up from where they were locked away in my mind. I winced at the memory of my father’s fists and sucked in a ragged breath, his voice as loud in my head as if he were standing directly in front of me.

“Please don’t hurt me.” I didn’t know if I was talking to the film playing out in my mind or Beck, who was still holding me.

“Shh, Derek. I’ve got you. The voice isn’t real, and whatever you see is not happening. Focus on my voice. I’m right here, and I won’t hurt you.” Her hand rubbed over my chest like she was consoling a child, and tears stung the back of my eyes. “I’m not going to hurt you. Just breathe.”

The taunting voice and memories slowly faded, and I slumped forward, fighting back the tears.

“I’m sorry,” I said, looking over my shoulder to see the black hood and shook my head. What the hell was I doing?

“Don’t be sorry.” She blindly reached for me, and I grabbed her hand and brought it to my mouth to kiss her fingers.

“I don’t deserve your kindness.”

“Nonsense. Now, come on, let’s go inside. This hood is itchy.”

Getting out of the truck, I opened her door and pulled her into my arms. She laughed as I picked her up and held her bridal style. Before I could take a step, headlights swept the driveway, and my body ran ice cold as all my muscles stiffened at the sight of the police car.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

“Police,” I growled, my hands tightening on Beck.

“Let me handle it,” she said. I looked down at her and thought this couldn’t look any worse. Here I was, wearing a black leather mask and carrying a woman with a hood on her head. This was not how I figured I would end up getting arrested. “Just trust me,” she said softly as the headlights blinded us.

Doors opened, and two men got out, both with their hands on their guns. The rage that lived in me began to stir like a cat stretching in the sun.

“What is going on here?”

“Honey, who is that,” Beck asked, and my eyebrows shot up. Honey?

“The police,” I answered, feeling ridiculous.

“Why are they here?”

“I’m not sure.”