Page 56 of Burn Me Down

“No. Thank you for sacrificing your life so that I could have one. I’ve never told you how much your protection meant to me and how it saved me from….”

“From turning into a murdering psycho like me?” Derek looked away but nodded. “You were my baby brother. I was never going to let anything happen to you, but then I did, didn’t I? I became the thing I hated most.”

He cleared his throat and turned his face away, but I saw the sheen of tears. Whatever had happened the last four months since the barn fire had changed him. I could see it in his eyes. He was not the same man lost to the demons attacking his mind.

All I could see was my brother.

Derek

I didn’t know what to do with Asher’s outburst of emotion. It felt like a trap, but I hoped that it wasn’t. Could he have actually forgiven me for what I tried to do? Violet and Beck were staring at us, and you couldn’t have gotten two more opposite reactions. Beck looked like she was going to cry with joy, while Violet looked like she was going to murder me or maybe Asher. It was hard to tell.

Pulling back from the hug, I gestured to the table. “Did you want to sit down,” I asked, not sure what else to say in the silence that had fallen upon the room.

I walked over to the bar, grabbed the bottles of wine that Chase had stashed for us, and turned on the music so it wasn’t so quiet. The three of them were sitting and chatting quietly as I placed the bottles down.

“Yo, Dragon?” I looked over my shoulder toward the kitchen at Tanner, who was playing the part of waiter for the night. I wasn’t sure what he’d done to draw the short straw, but he looked ridiculous in the black suit and bowtie. “You ready for the first course?”

“Sure,” I said and sat down.

Tanner marched out with a tray on his shoulder like a server at a banquet hall, and it took all the self-control I had not to laugh at him and the serious expression on his face. I really needed this backstory.

He made a flourishing gesture as he set two plates of salad down in front of Beck and Violet. “Ladies,” he said and gave them a wink, which would’ve had the ugly in me rising if Beck hadn’t laid her hand on my thigh like she knew I needed her touch.

I poked at my salad once Tanner left us alone but couldn’t find my appetite. “Well, isn’t this nice and awkward,” I said.

Violet jumped right in. “You asked us to meet you here, so why don’t you start by telling us why we are at a motorcycle club.”

I shrugged. “Not much to tell. The prez of the club befriended me when no one else wanted anything to do with me. Eventually, they accepted me as one of their brothers. This club is my family,” I said, watching Asher. I’d seen the look he gave Roach when he said I was their family and wanted to gauge his reaction up close.

His face stayed neutral, but his hand tightened on his fork, and he chewed faster. Was my brother jealous? No way, that was ridiculous.

“Aren’t they all criminals,” Asher asked. I froze and then started to laugh until tears filled my eyes, and my stomach hurt. No one else seemed to see the irony in that statement.

“What do you think I am? I’m certainly no saint. There is a statewide manhunt for me. If that doesn’t make me a criminal, then I don’t know what does,” I said, pouring wine into our glasses.

“Are you sure this isn’t poisoned,” Vi asked, her voice thick with sarcasm.

Beck opened her mouth, but I laid my hand on hers. I locked eyes with Violet, letting her know where she stood. “I don’t poison people. I burn them alive,” I growled, and her face paled. “If I wanted the two of you dead in the last four months, I could’ve killed you both easily enough. Don’t think that you’re sitting here because I lost my opportunity with the barn. No amount of police cars sitting outside of your home would stop me if I wanted the two of you dead. I know where you live, what your schedules are, what cars you drive, and how to fuck with your house. But I haven’t done any of that.” I leaned back and stared at my brother, who looked as shocked as Violet. “I’ve sat in your room and watched the two of you sleep, so no, I don’t want you dead, and the wine is not poisoned.”

Beck linked her fingers with mine, and the rising anger simmered back down.

“You were in my house,” Asher asked, putting his fork down.

“Yup, many times. Before and after the barn. I stared at that photo of us hanging in the hall so many times that it’s now committed to memory. Not that I needed it. I remember that day clearly.”

“But why? If you didn’t want to hurt us.”

“Why not? You’re my brother, and as hard as I’ve tried to erase my love for you, I can’t. I thought making you pay for turning me in would make me feel better, but it only tormented me more that I tried to kill the two of you.” Lifting my shoulder, I let it drop. “It was the only way to feel close to you and not be seen as a threat.”

Asher and Violet looked at one another like they were sharing the same shocked mindfuck moment.

I stabbed at the lettuce and crouton and shoved it in my mouth as I thought. “I don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry for the pain I caused you, Violet, and, of course, for what happened at Christmas.”

“I hope you don’t think I’m going to forgive you just because you said sorry?”

“No, I don’t, but I’m hoping you’ll accept that I’m not the same man I was at seventeen. Or when I broke out of the hospital and that you’ll accept that I want to be with Beck.”

“Not a chance,” she said and stabbed at her salad.