Page 48 of Protective Phlox

I glanced at the time and then at my mom sitting on the couch. She was still dressed in her best outfit that she wore to go to lunch with her friends from the country club.

“It’s eight o’clock,” I said, confused. “Tammi and her mom are coming to pick me up for the movies, don’t you remember? You said that my new curfew is eleven. It’s Friday,” I continued as her face twisted in confusion. I’d just turned thirteen, and it felt like such a big deal to be dropped off at the theater for the late show with my friend and to stay alone until we were picked up.

“I know what day of the week it is. I don’t need you to tell me like I’m some idiot.” She sipped the glass of red wine, her eyes furious, and I didn’t know what I’d done. “You’ll have to call Tammi and cancel.”

“What? Why? You said….”

“I don’t care what I said. I changed my mind. Only whores go out this late at night. Go to your room.”

AGE 17

“Are you going to wear that out?”

I looked down at my new summer outfit that I’d spent hours trying to find for the senior summer party. Getting invited was a huge deal, and Kevin had asked me even though I was a junior.

“Yeah. Why does it have a stain?”

“No, you look fat,” Mom said and continued playing her crossword. “When you’re out, can you get me a pack of smokes?” My mouth fell open, and tears filled my eyes. She looked up, her face twisting into disgust as he looked at me. “Why are you crying? It’s a tough world out there, and no one is going to care if they hurt your feelings, so I’d get over yourself now.”

AGE 19

My wallet was out on the table. I grabbed it and looked inside. “Did you take my money?”

“My money, you live under my roof. We needed groceries.” Walking over to the fridge, I yanked open the door, but it still had the same five items. I proceeded to do the same thing to each of the cupboards. “What are you doing?”

“Where are the groceries, huh? You hiding them?” I slammed the last cupboard closed and marched over to the spot where I knew she liked to hide her stash of alcohol.

“What are you doing? Get out of there,” she growled as I pulled out the three brand-new bottles of her favorite gin.

“Groceries, huh? Are we on a liquid diet now?” Marching over to the sink, I twisted the first cap and turned the bottle upside down before grabbing the second one. Mom was out of her seat and dashed across the room like it was an Olympic sport.

“Stop, you can’t do that.” She tried yanking the bottle out of my hand, but I turned it over, and we ended up in a tug-o-war. I let go to grab the third one instead, and she stumbled back. The bottle slipped and smashed on the tile floor.

“You bitch,” she cried, and my head snapped to the side as she slapped me.

Holding my cheek, I glared at her. “I’m done. I’m sick of this. I’m leaving tonight.”

AGE 25

“What the hell do you mean you threw Shawn out?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Up until this moment, my mother hadn’t cared if I dated anyone, let alone was engaged to Shawn. She always acted like he was a waste of time and space, and now here she was, defending him?

“He broke my heart, has been freeloading off of me since he got laid off from work, and he’s been cheating on me with a neighbor…for months. There’s nothing else to understand. I threw him out of the house along with all of his shit.” She sighed heavily on the other end of the line, and I could feel the old twinges of anger and resentment beginning to boil up. “So you know, I’m leaving town for a few weeks. I have a case,” I said, leaving out the part where I’d been put on leave for holding a gun to Shawn’s head and threatening him.

My boss didn’t agree that shooting a vase only needed a mild warning, and I apparently had anger issues. Arguing that he would’ve done worse if it was his wife didn’t get me very far.

“I’ve seen how devastated he is, Savannah. It just seems a shame to throw your entire relationship away because of a little infidelity.”

I shook my head, not believing what I was hearing. “Where the hell did you see Shawn?”

“He came by to visit and wanted to talk. He asked me to talk to you since you refuse to answer his calls.”

“He went to see you? And you believed his bullshit? Mom, this wasn’t a drunken oops, not that that is any better, but this was planned. The two of them have been sneaking around while I was at work for months. I didn’t think you even liked Shawn. Why the hell do you care that I left him?”

“I care because he’s a decent guy who made a mistake and wants a second chance. Come on, Savannah, let’s be real. It’s not like you can do better. You should apologize and take him back.”

The words were a slap to the face and a punch to the gut at the same time. I turned around to stare at my phone across the room—as if my mother could see the shock and hurt through my earbuds. Once upon a time, I would’ve cried. I would’ve locked myself in my room and wondered how I could be better, someone she loved, but not anymore. I was so through with her.