Page 56 of Intolerable Bishop

“Naw.”

“Okay.” I squirmed on the bed, not sure what to do with my nervousness, so I sat on my hands. “Are you mad at me,” I asked, unable to take the silence. “I didn’t think you would be upset after the talk we had.”

Myles turned, his amber eyes locking with mine before he leaned against the door. Crossing his arms, he shook his head, his body giving two conflicting answers.

“Naw, I’m not mad. I’m just tryin’ to understand, and more importantly, I want to know if this was really something ya wanted or if he did as Blake said and took advantage of ya. I’ll break his fuckin’ arms if ya didn’t want this to happen. I don’t care how close Theo and I are.”

I stared into his concerned eyes, and just when I thought I couldn’t love him more, he did or said something that topped it all over again.

“We took advantage of each other, I think.”

“What do ya mean?”

I tried to get the little puzzle pieces in my brain to fall into position, but not one of them wanted to behave. Myles kneeled in front of me, his hand on my thigh, and I cupped his face, resting my forehead against his.

“I’ve seen two people die in my life. Both of them were people that I loved who were murdered in front of me. The man I called father all my life is possibly not my biological father. I just learned that my family—people I didn’t know existed—are trying to kill me. I’ve never been in a shootout or a high-speed chase, and I was panicked about all of you and if you were okay. To top it off, I couldn’t stop my brain from spinning with worry that being with me was going to get you all killed. I was in the middle of a full-blown meltdown and on the verge of passing out. Theo kissed me to stop the runaway train in my brain from careening off the tracks.”

Sitting back, I sucked in a deep breath.

“I wanted to feel something other than fear. I’ve had so much of that lately. At that moment, he made me feel good. Theo wiped away some of the stain in my mind, and I was able to take back what Axel had stolen. No one can give me back my virginity, but that moment was…altering. It was like he was still winning somehow, even from the grave. Something that I’d been nervous about, yes, but so excited to share with you was ripped away. Every day that passed and nothing happened seemed like another mark on the board for him. I know that must sound strange, but….” I tapped over my heart.

Grabbing Myles’s hand, I brought it to my lips and kissed his knuckles. I was so incredibly thankful that we all made it out of my house in one piece. “In a blink, I realized just how short our lives can be. At one point, I thought I had eighty years in front of me, and now I may not see next year if my mum’s family gets their way. My heart ached with the thought that I could die, any of us could, and he would be laughing at me from hell. Theo offered an escape from all of it for a little while. I didn’t tell him any of that. He just assumed it was all adrenaline, and part of it was, but not all. So, the long-winded answer is no, he didn’t take advantage of me. I think I took advantage of him.”

Myles looked down, and I ran my fingers through his hair. Everything felt right in the world when he touched me. “It should’ve been me. Ya asked me, and once more, I failed.”

He stood, and I jumped up and grabbed him. “No, you didn’t. That’s not what I meant at all.”

“Aye, but I did. Ya looked me in the eyes and told me that ya trusted me with the very fabric of yer being. It should’ve been me that restored what Axel took.” He looked away, his hands clenching into fists. “Every time my da takes something else from me, it opens a new wound. It’s to the point where he can sit back and laugh and watch the damage unfold. I fall into his traps and sabotage myself. He no longer has to lift a finger.”

“Myles, don’t put that on yourself. You can’t do that. That man has put you through literal hell since you were a child, and what you suffered for me…I love you, and I can’t express what you being in my life has meant to me. Besides, we couldn’t have predicted what happened. None of what went on with Theo was planned. A week later, you could’ve been ready, and we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.”

“I should’ve known. As soon as we found out whose daughter you were and who was after ya, we should’ve packed up and left. My gut said that it was risky to stay, but I didn’t say anything. That shite is on me.”

“Myles, why are you always so hard on yourself? Next, you’re going to take the blame for natural disasters. Stop it. No one blames you, least of all me.”

He shrugged. “I blame myself because I have slunk around in the dark. I’ve hit places where I was collectin’ money when they least expected it and have helped hunt and kill, just like those guys did at yer house. They may have been bolder than I expected, but I should’ve listened to my gut. You forget I’m the murderin’ bastard that people fear. I should’ve anticipated the attack.”

I shook my head at him. The damage that was inflicted on Myles by Owen and Devin had seeped into his veins and flowed through him as fluidly as his blood. I could see it in his eyes, the fear of failure, of never being enough.

“Myles, no matter what you think about yourself or the things you should or shouldn’t have done, I don’t regret for a single second saying yes to you.” I slipped my arms around his waist and held him like he was going to disappear. “It is one of the best choices I’ve ever made, and you prove that daily, whether you see it or not. I see it. I see you.”

I looked up at him, and his mouth tipped up at the corner, the warmth returning to his features. “I need to ask. Are you wantin’ to include everyone? Should I just accept that now?”

I swallowed hard. “Theo and I didn’t really talk a whole lot about where this was going to go, and he needs to speak to Liam, but….”

Myles ran his hand through his hair. “But if they agree, then yes.”

I looked away from his eyes, a nervous blush spreading. “Would you hate that?”

“Naw, but….” Touching my chin, he made me look him in the eyes. “I will never give ya up. I know ya think those are just words, but I’m serious, Snowflake. Nash is fightin’ his feelings, but I see it in him, and king or no, I will not let ya go.”

“Nash is an ass, and I don’t want him.”

Myles pressed his lips into a thin line, his eyes calling me a liar before the words left his mouth. “Don’t lie to me, Snowflake. I’ve seen the sparks between the two of ya. It may not be today or a month from now, but one of ya will trip and land on yer own gun.” I wasn’t a hundred percent sure what that meant, but I got the gist that he thought one of us was going to cave to whatever it was between us.

“Alright, I can’t deny the sparks, as much as I hate to say that out loud, but I may kill him before it ever got that far.”

Myles snorted. “Just promise me.” He ran his finger down the side of my cheek. “Swear to me that yer always gonna be my Snowflake.”